America: Imagine the World Without Her

You have to know that when you cite Ted Cruz as an authority on history, your integrity is shot. And yet, America: Imagine the World Without Her did just that while refuting a claim that much of the western United States was stolen from Mexico. Seriously, you interviewed Ted Cruz as an authority on this matter. Not a historian, not an unaffiliated, but an extremely conservative, extremely biased and hardly independent politician who currently represents part of that land and whose name has become synonymous with lies.  Yeah, that’s the guy whose opinion of the Mexican-American war should stand as the yardstick.

Subtitled Imagine the World Without Her, America starts by offering exactly that question — what if the colonies had failed? What if the United States never was? Then in an ugly bait-and-switch, the film proceeds not to imagine, but to address a series of “accusations” that, apparently, liberals have brought in unison upon the United States. It would seem American liberals have unfairly introduced a climate of shame and Mr. D’Souza has come to set the record straight.

Like all good documentaries, America contains a healthy amount of self-congratulation.  After shooting General Washington and handing the colonies back to Britain, Writer/Director/felon/Slavery-apologist Dinesh D’Souza introduces himself by telling how successful his past film was and how two (2!) of his predictions came true. Woohoo, two!  And what predictions they were:  I believe the first (the only one I remember; I ain’t watchin’ this crap again to get all the details exactly right) was something on the order of “increased government will leave the U.S. weaker in the eyes of the world.” That counts as a prediction, does it?  In my book, this is opinion, not fact. It’s like me boasting that I correctly predicted 2014 would seem longer than 2013. And wow, ain’t shy about tootin’ your horn, are you? And what a horn it is.  Ummm, Mr.  D’Souza — now that you’ve crowed for the few things you think you got right, you owe an apology for the many, many failed predictions and misrepresentations that dwarf the former.  I’ll take a pass  on these; you are, simply put, not a good enough filmmaker to merit more face time.

Addressing his personal villain, Howard Zinn (who?), Dinesh D’Souza then systematically attacks the claims that America should be ashamed of itself for slavery, genocide of Native Americans, capitalism, imperialism and generally being cool. He wants no part of it.

It’s kind of embarrassing.

There are, essentially three types of argument presented, and all are fallacious. The bread and butter for D’Souza’s theses are:

ONE –The strawman. This is a classic technique by which you imagine an opponent who doesn’t really exist and then defeat him. Dinesh D’Souza has labeled Howard Zinn as the voice of the “anti-American” movement that, apparently, President Obama and millions of other Americans belong to. By the way, conservative folks, Obama, like Bill Clinton, is a centrist, not a liberal. If you see him as a liberal, the problem is not him, it’s you. One can only imagine what D’Souza would do with an actual liberal in the Oval Office. I don’t know who Howard Zinn is; but I certainly do think the United States should be embarrassed about its legacy of slavery and the often genocidal treatment of Native Americans. And you should, too.  Also, while there are many questions to be raised about how Texas and California became U.S. territories, I don’t want to “give them back” or “drop a nuke on U.S. soil” (direct quotes from one of the “representative liberals” in the film)  any more than you do. That’s insane.

TWO  — The cherry-picking of facts. There’s a point about imperialism in here in which D’Souza states that after the Iraq War, we gave the oil back to Iraq, therefore we aren’t imperialists. So there. OH, MY. Really? You’re really gonna stick to that story, are you?  We invaded Iraq with an oil man president at the urging of his vice, a man who’s company profited to the tune of billions from that war, and that’s all above board is it? We were there for completely altruistic reasons, huh? We “gave it all back,” did we?  Good for us. U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

THREE — Combating a mountain of facts with a molehill of anecdotal evidence. I especially loved the bit where Dinesh shows himself flippin’ burgers and then points out that because the joint he worked in a decade or two ago charged $1.95 for the meal, capitalism is not a crime. Yeah, that had a lot to do 2007 on Wall Street, pal. Rich wolves changing the rules, then deliberately undermining the entire economy for personal profit? Oh, I see it now — that was all ok because in 1988, you charged $1.95 for a burger. Totally makes sense.

That stuff was cute, just a collection of deliberate misinterpretations – perhaps even honest from your limited point of view; and then there were the unforgivable — D’Souza pointed out two case studies: 1) William Ellison, a black man who owned slaves and 2)Sarah Breedlove, a hair-product entrepreneur.  Both are presented in a flag-waving unapologist ceremony to illustrate, somehow, that slavery was ok and blacks have always had just as much opportunity as anybody else. I’m sorry, what exactly am I suppose to take from this? One black man owned slaves, too, therefore slavery was perfectly reasonable and nobody need be ashamed of our history?  That’s a disgusting, disingenuous and a particularly slimy bit of induction.

Let me stop here. Look, Mr. D’Souza; I’m sure in your myopic perception, history has been told incorrectly. But, and please, please look at this objectively, did you really just make the argument that one (1) black slave owner excuses a legacy of hundreds of years and millions of lives enslaved? Tell me, if you discovered one (1) Auschwitz guard were secretly Jewish, would that excuse the entire Holocaust? Would that exonerate all Germans? Would you conclude that modern Germans have nothing to be ashamed about? Slavery itself is the definitive diametric opposite of the value we Americans, all Americans, cherish and pride themselves most on: freedom. The viewpoint that chalks up a shame for America’s slave-owning past simply as “liberal bias” represents some of the worst mind-sets in human history. I’m not only ashamed that my country condoned slavery; I’m ashamed that it would foster your viewpoint and anybody who agrees with you. This is evil. This is what evil looks like. And all you jackasses who give this piece of shit 10 out of 10 stars on imdb? You are the enablers of the worst evils men can imagine. It’s not necessarily “when good people do nothing;” evil can also be trolls with insane opinions.  And to represent William Ellison and Sarah Breedlove not just as an apology, but as an exoneration for slavery, for Jim Crow laws, for systematic oppression of millions upon millions of African-Americans? That’s beyond dishonesty; this is a sad legacy of evil.

D’Souza concluded his masterwork of logic and argument with “You won’t find these [two people] in the history books” as if Americans should be ashamed themselves for not telling the full story … as if all history books themselves were only written by shady, biased liberals.  You know what also isn’t in history text books?  Anything that isn’t significant or representative, like you, Mr. D’Souza.

As for the movie itself? Godawful boring. The direction is C student film school level stuff, especially on the non-documentary pieces, and the acting is awful (“now everybody nod your heads like you agree with this bullshit.”) In a way, the documentary pieces are even worse — Dinesh has none of the style or flair of Michael Moore or any of the “Daily Show“/”Colbert Report” slam interviews he’s hoping to rival. I know this style you’ve chosen; but, you know what? Liberals don’t hate you like conservatives hate Michael Moore. Mostly, you come off as ill-informed and therefore useless, if occasionally dangerous.  There’s no point arguing with anybody who only watches Fox News; you’re simply not well-enough informed, especially on facts, to argue coherently.

And, Dinesh, can I call you “Dinesh?”  You never did answer the central question posed at the outset — what would the world be like if America never happened? Well, if you don’t mind, I’ll present my vision: I think it looks much the same — good is good, evil is evil. Where America is right now is probably three or four countries resembling Canada, for better or worse. Hitler probably still happens and is probably still defeated primarily by Russia; Communism happens, too. As does Democracy. There is still a crisis in the Middle East. There will always be crisis in the Middle East. Israel may or may not exist. The plane, the light bulb, the steamboat, the assembly line, etc. all still get invented, just a little later. They’re probably a little less safe than they ought to be; perhaps we’re enjoying Peugeots and steam engines a little more than we ought to. Where the America-challenged world comes up really short, I think, is entertainment. I see the alternate universe 21st Century world as clinging to some weird Swedish “Leave It to Beaver” equivalent on b&w TV sets, dreaming that one day “Pong” will come to relieve the boredom. America’s legacy is innovation (especially war innovation), but America’s true gift to the world is entertainment.

I kind of feel sorry for the fans of this film; from the comments section of imdb, there are many of you, although I’m not sure you’ve actually seen the film.  Your child-like fierce, angry and blinders-on love of the United States shows a deeply immature psychological desperation to believe the puerile narrative of original perfection; look – slavery is part of our collective history, as is unfettered aggression and naked greed. Accepting that our founding fathers and their descendents were flawed doesn’t make me love my country any less and it doesn’t make me respect Thomas Jefferson or George Washington any less; what does make me love my country less is when citizen peer apologists promote tunnel-vision humility-challenged “historical narratives” like this one. Dinesh D’Souza has a strong understanding of U.S. History when it comes to facts that help his cause. Unfortunately, they don’t extend beyond the framework of his movie because there just aren’t a whole lot of them.

A filmmaker with a cause
To apologize for America’s flaws
Seen it his way
Slavery was ok
This ought to be against the laws

Rated PG-13, 103 Minutes
D: Dinesh D’Souza, John Sullivan
W: Dinesh D’Souza, John Sullivan, Bruce Schooley. That’s right, three writers for a “documentary.” Such integrity this country has never known.
Genre: Historical interpretation
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Tea Partiers
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Me