Is the message of time travel perpetually, “hey, jerks, go back and fix what you messed up with time travel!” ? This seems especially important as I don’t want to live in a world in which Lou (Rob Corddry) invents the internet. Of course, I say that and then I remember I live in the real universe in which Donald Trump and Kim Kardashian are celebrities and the Koch brothers have bought, to date, at least two branches of government. Hmmmm, maybe the Lounited States isn’t such a bad place.
You might remember from the original Hot Tub Time Machine that Lou, Nick (Craig Robinson), Jacob (Clark Duke) and Adam (John Cusack) went back in time to a high school ski trip because director Steve Pink was fascinated with Better Off Dead. It doesn’t really matter what happened in the silly, throwaway, original other than Nick and Lou have used their advanced knowledge of the future for ill-gotten gain, Adam has used it to disappear and Jacob has used it for … nothing. That’s right, nothing. I’m not sure how that works; was he technically not old enough to manipulate time travel properly?
John Cusack has been replaced by Adam Scott for this version. I cannot begin to describe what a disappointment that is. But I’ll try: a demotion in military rank, perhaps … finding Macy’s closed and having to go to Sears … discovering you only own Die Hard on VHS … just plain disappointing.
So Lou is strutting around his plush party home when he takes a shotgun blast to the wang. Hot Tub Time Machine 2 is like that – given the choice of blue or vanilla, HTTM2 will invariably opt for blue; I think it needs to. Quick thinking Jacob grabs Nick and they drag Lou back to the magical time machine, which Lou has stolen from the ski lodge. The machine sends them to the future, which in reality is the past – Einstein would have a field day with this thing, cuz he sure wouldn’t be watching it for entertainment value. 2025 is a lot like 2015, except the cars are sentient and societal values seem to have turned end-of-Roman-empire hedonistic. Do we blame Lou for this? I dunno. Theoretically, he’s richer than sin, but cultural hedonism takes more than money, I think. Screw it; I’ve already thought more about this film than its director or producers.
The biggest problem with Hot Tub Time Machine 2 is that Rob Corddry is incapable of being anything other than a horse’s ass on camera. We know this. We’ve seen it. He loves that role. But you don’t ask a horse’s ass to be on screen for more than five minutes, let alone carry a film. Truth be told, none 
of these guys is actually capable of carrying a film. Craig Robinson and Clark Duke are both more-or-less agreeable on screen so long as they’re supporting material. Asking these four (Corddry, Robinson, Duke, Scott) to carry this particular script across the finish line is like asking the emphysema club to blow up a room full of leather balloons by hand.
I liked the idea of Jessica Williams hosting the 2025 “Daily Show.” There were certainly a few laughs in Tub 2, like the endless stream of personal appearance insults (e.g. “you look like Gandalf the Poor.”). However, HTTM2 is mostly an uninspired waste of time. Time you’ll never get back … unless you have your own hot tub time machine, of course.
♪Been five years since we did this
On the sets I was passing my time away
Pilot here, cancellation there
Gimme a break before I’m gray
It’s out of sight,
My career that is
Here I am
With an awful script
Sucking the life out
Of a painfully weak franchise
I’m back
Back with the Hot Tub crew
I’m back
In for more time travel, too
I’m back
Back for childish sex fu
Back with the Hot Tub crew♫
Rated R, 93 Minutes
D: Steve Pink
W: Josh Heald
Genre: Idiots plot
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Nate Corddry
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Real time travelers
♪ Parody inspired by “New York Groove”
