Disney made two very good changes in their annual pander to naturists. First, they selected an animal that wasn’t terribly cute. Macaques look like wrinkled old men on a good day. Even the baby macaques aren’t cute. Do you know how far you have to travel in the world of mammals to find ugly babies? This means that Disney forced itself tell a story, not just rely on the attractiveness of the beast to save the day; it’s same reason you don’t let the head cheerleader give the graduation speech. Secondly, they replaced John C. Reilly with Tina Fey to get us through this mess. The voice of Wreck-It Ralph was not intended for documentaries.
Macaques are bread-basket sized hierarchical primates; this particular variety lives in the halls of long abandoned temples in the jungles of Sri Lanka. It’s one of those skylines where the manmade domes peek just above the overgrown tree line. You chose well, my friends. This colony of 50 or so monkeys opens with random hijinks to the theme from The Monkees. You chose not-so-well, my friends. Often, distinction is a difficulty among nature documentaries, but here I followed along just fine; it was easier to pick out protagonist Maya than successfully identify the players in Chariots of Fire.
On the fig tree of macaque life, Raja the king sits atop; his sycophants (“the sisters”) sit on the branch just below. Maya is literally not in the tree, but the ground awaiting fallen scraps. Imagine Mean Girls where food is the only accessory worth owning and you get a good idea of the macaque world. Maya is expected to toe the line – eating the scraps, grooming the king, I’m pretty sure there is a sexual component in this relationship as well, but as Monkey Kingdom is G-rated film, there wasn’t much talk of concubines. Any disrespect and Maya gets shunned. The penalty is banishment; macaques don’t survive the jungle on their own.
Monkey Kingdom follows Maya’s rise from serf to queen. No, I couldn’t believe she got there, either. Especially after Act II where she becomes *gasp* an unwed mother! I’m dying to know what idiot conservative fathers 
tell their kids about Maya having a baby by a man she is likely never to see again. Do we break out the abstinence lecture, dad? Huh? “Just say ‘no’ “ has been a fan favorite for years. And by “favorite,” I mean I could hate Nancy Reagan for this by itself.
I think both directors and producers knew that, even through Disney goggles, macques ain’t pretty. Consequently, everybody had to work just a little harder to tell the story and it shows. I cared when Maya was getting abused; I cared when the outcasts were forced to brave the monitor-infested waters; I cared when Monkey Rock was under siege. I didn’t care about those stupid Bears. Gimme a reason, nature. Just gimme a reason.
♪Cover me on video
Cover me from the word “go”
Something knocked her from the trees
Second angle, please
Cover what-ever she sees
Monkey, cam-ra three, Monkey
Doncha know we’re gonna stalk the monkey♫
Rated G, 81 Minutes
D: Mark Linfield, Alastair Fothergill
W: Infinite monkeys at infinite typewriters
Genre: Know your nature
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Primatologists
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Cute junkies
♪ Parody inspired by “Shock the Monkey”
