Snowpiercer is a film I can’t wait to describe because it was kinda awesome how engulfed I became. See, it’s 2031, and all remaining humans live on a train. The Earth froze solid in 2014 because the planet federation released wd40 or some fool thing in the air to fight global warming and it backfired. This could mean that writer/director Joon-ho Bong was interested in supporting a “climate change is a hoax” argument, but I don’t think so. I think he just wanted to get the remainder of humanity on that train. Mission accomplished.
The dregs live in the caboose, the one-percenters live towards the engine. The solar-powered train never stops moving (it’s sub-freezing out, but the sun still works). It circles the entirety of a world-wide 500,000 mile track once a year. I don’t honestly know how fresh air happens; the thing is sealed tight. I suppose they must have vents for air, water, and various resources. I mean, geez — entirely closed environment; how do you sustain? Don’t you just run out of things after a while? Well, let’s pretend they can’t. So much nicer when we play with science fiction.
The train itself is weird combination of plutocracy and military junta. All of the commoners are required to toe the line, else, the outside! One shoe-throwing protestor is punished: he has to leave his exposed right arm to the elements for seven minutes. The results are horrific and comic at the same time; Joon-ho Bong has a really weird sense of humor, but we knew that from Gwoemul. Finally, Curtis (Chris Evans, quickly becoming an actor worth talking about) and 
the dregs have had enough; it’s time to take the engine. Look out, Thomas; it’s go time. Save that smile.
Snowpiercer has no shortage of violence or surprise; each door the rebels open is a potential death trap. And yet, each door is also exposition and a Pandora’s box of sorts. Every new car reveals more of the story about how this train has remained in play for seventeen years, from the one-a-day protein blocks to the weird Big Brother education center. Snowpiercer has some wonderful performances from people you’ll strain to recognize, like Evans, Jamie Bell and one villain, Tilda Swinton (she was so good, I wanted to kill her myself every time I saw her). This is a top-10 film for me; I’m only sorry it won’t play to bigger audiences.
♪Caboose
proved too much for the serf
(Too much for the serf, he couldn’t take it)
So he’s leavin’ the strife
He’s come to know, ooh
(He said he’s goin’)
He said he’s goin’ up to find
(Goin’ up to find)
Ooh, the rest of this world
The world beyond the three cars he’s come to know
Oh, he’s leavin’
(Leavin’)
In that endless train to nowhere
(Leavin’ in that endless train), yeah
Said, he’s goin’ up
(Goin’ up to find)
To a higher place in line
(When he makes that stride)
Oh yes, he is
(Guess who’s wants to fight right by his side) ♫
Rated R, 126 Minutes
D: Joon-ho Bong
W: Joon-ho Bong and Kelly Masterson
Genre: Our fucked-up future
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Dystopia-holics
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: 1%ers
♪ Parody inspired by “Midnight Train to Georgia”
