OMG, you won’t believe this. So, there was, like, this dance crew, like, trying to get an audition and stuff. And they didn’t even get to dance (although some of them did, I totally saw it), and they wore, like, stupid sombreros and the dance team that won, like, totally dissed ‘em! And then later, you won’t believe this, they’re all, like, in a bar and that other team shows up again … and they start a dance rumble! Like, I thought they danced ok, but then it turns out that other team won again. OMG, that sux! It’s, like, five minutes in and the hunky guy has already lost twice to the dork who doesn’t know how to wear a hat. And then his team goes splitsville and he’s all alone in L.A. without any job or any money. No WAY!
I swear if I see any more of these crappy films, I’m going to keep reviewing like that.
Did you know the titles here actually have an “AND” actor? I kid you not. Apparently, Adam Sevani (“Moose” — I don’t remember if this nickname is based on a previously revealed character given name, but this lithe six-foot Frodo Baggins is about as far from a “Moose” as one can actually get) anyway, Moose here demands the “and.” In the Step Up game, he has stepped up. Sure, you won’t see him in any other genre, or film for that matter, but he is Step Up royalty. You make a Step Up movie, you better have that AND for Adam Sevani, or his people start making a Moose of things.
Once our hero Sean (Ryan Guzman) loses his team, he has to build another. And, you won’t believe this, but every Moose –challenged dancer he finds has a completely meaningless and easily forgotten place of employment. Gee, who knew team dancers were so flexible?
Silly, dull and unmemorable, Step Up All In differs not one iota in feel from any of its kin. There’s dancing; there’s loving; there’s dissing. And the team that dances last always wins. I’m sure there’s a huge market for choreographers and team dancers somewhere, but it doesn’t show. I marvel at the athleticism, but I wince at the unnecessarily busy feel of team dancing. To me, it’s like trying to play an entire 60 minute hockey game during recess – Bell! Shift! 
Fly! Slam! Shift! Crunch! Cool! Jump! Shift! Hit! Throw! Barf! Shift! Face! Gesture! Bell! Did we win?
I did enjoy two moments in this film – the one number that wasn’t a dis-off, an amusement park duet between Ryan and Andie (Briana Evigan the poor woman’s Rashida Jones). I won’t compare it to a classic Cyd Charisse/Fred Astaire thing, but it did have a more classic feel to it and none of that tiresome posturing crap. I also enjoyed when the individual robot dancing specialists commence with an awkward mechanical romance sequence. It was kind of like when Jaws falls in love in Moonraker – another one star film, btw. Of course, that made me wonder what dancing robot intercourse was like. Hmmm, best not go there. And best not Step Up, Off, Out, Through or Around, either.
Another contest to make a nobody a clown
With max dissing all over town
The athletic patter
Just doesn’t matter
If you can’t step up, try to step down
Rated PG-13, 112 Minutes
D: Trish Sie
W: John Swetnam
Genre: Dissin’
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: People without any style or taste
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Anybody who has ever seen and enjoyed An American in Paris.
