Aloha is one of those films where somewhere about 40 minutes in you turn to your partner with a quizzical, nay incredulous, expression to confirm, “this isn’t very good, is it?” It is a puzzle – given the playful tone and the sheer volume of lovable, talented people: Bradley Cooper, Emma Stone, Bill Murray, Rachel McAdams, Cameron Crowe, etc. All of these folks know well the difference between good work and bad. Surely this film can’t be bad, can it? It bloody well can. And don’t call me “Shirley.”
Military contractor and former military burnout Brian Gilcrest (Cooper) returns, as the title suggests, to Hawaii, where he made a name for himself in the Air Force. The circumstances of his no longer being in the Air Force are murky and, given such, I was a little surprised by how much respect he commands as a civilian. For one thing, the local base has given him a pet officer, Allison Ng (Stone) to tag along Brian’s adventures not unlike a puppy trailing its new owner. Their first (and only?) order of duty is to secure military usage rights to a sacred piece of land or else Bobby will be cursed by the tiki idol.
Oh, I’m sorry; I mixed up my Hawaiian tales about white people. In this one, we totally respect the customs and legends of native Hawaiians which is why all the names in the opening credits belong to Caucasians and Emma Stone is playing a character with the last name of Ng.
I’m going to get past that. I respect you for not wanting to, but I suggest this film fails even if the casting were perfect.
Gilcrest is currently lapdog to billionaire Carson Welch (Murray) whose personal agenda is putting WMDs in neutral space. We know this because positive go-getter Ng states about a dozen times a 1967 treaty making space neutral to assure naïve Hawaiian locals and naïve audience members that is in no way this is a plot point. No plot point at all, I tell you; this movie is about Ng and Gilcrest finding true love, I think.
Complicating matters is Gilcrest’s former steady, Tracy (McAdams), whose 13-year-old daughter may or may not be Brian’s child. Her miscast husband, Air Force Pilot Woody (John Krasinski) is the strong a silent type. Emphasis on silent, as in, he, quite seriously, doesn’t talk, like, ever. Shame Krasinski doesn’t
really fit the part because this is the best character in the film. Naturally, both women are dying to be with Gilcrest the burnout; King Kamehameha forbid anybody wants to be with the steady, loving provider. No, no, can’t have that.
Aloha collects these non-functioning storylines and weaves a flag out of them. Why is the military doing the bidding of a private billionaire? Is that part of the message? Why is Ng attached to Gilcrest in the first place? Is Gilcrest respected or not? Why are the poorly represented natives respected for their customs, but treated like pawns? Why does Gilcrest have any influence whatsoever on the woman he abandoned thirteen years ago or her two children? All of this, and I do mean all of this, is just misdirection. Aloha is entirely about exploring the chemistry between Cooper and the two female leads. As neither relationship works, however, the film doesn’t work, either.
I think history will treat Aloha better than the present in which it is being torn to shreds by critics. History will probably forgive Bradley and Emma for not being quite as enjoyable as the up-to-now formidable standards they’ve set. History will also love John Krasinski’s silent routine. It might even forgive the subtle racism of the all-white cast because of the intention to make a responsible film.
Then again, it might not.
The ladies like Bradley Cooper a lot
Even though his flyboy peers do not
Weapons in the sky
Morality? Bye-bye
Didn’t we do the Real Genius plot?
Rated PG-13, 105 Minutes
D: Cameron Crowe
W: Cameron Crowe
Genre: Well-intentioned crap
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: People so in love with Emma Stone, they don’t care about her being passed off as Asian
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Unapologetic hawks
