“Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” wasn’t the proudest moment in the history of the United States military. Ranking somewhere between Vietnam and “Gomer Pyle, USMC,” the modern policy towards homosexuals in the U.S. military was quite the embarrassment – one that announced with a loud confident voice that we’d rather lose wars than be tolerant. Burning Blue wanted to teach us this lesson, but barely reflected on the “Don’t Tell” before diving into the “Don’t Ask.”
The biggest problem with movies of this nature is that when you gather young, relatively athletic white males and give them military haircuts and uniforms, they kinda all look alike. The no name cast and stock footage doesn’t help distinguish anything, either. You’d think that naked shower hijinks (yeah, it sounds tempting, but there’s really not much to see here ladies & gents) would help the matter some. Some. They help it more than the stock footage. I’ll go that far. The military-style homoeroticism here is an obvious homage to or attack on Top Gun, depending on how you see it. If Hollywood has taught me anything, it’s that nearly every single United States military pilot since WWII has had sexual identity issues, and the others smoked cigars (to “celebrate”).
It’s the Bill Clinton 90s and four pilots have been unleashed on NYC. The year before, they were in Italy and decided to pose nude to mock a painting in a local museum. The photo becomes the focal point of the eventual homosexual witch hunt. I agree with the director that the witch hunt is folly, but le
t’s be reasonable on this count: What straight male poses for a single-sex group naked picture for a lark? While I have no problem with the humor involved or the moment itself, I think you can successfully conclude, “There’s something homosexual about this.”
Then four all hit a gay night club. Again, I don’t approve bigotry in form, but visiting a gay night club with your best buds – not exactly a standard in the heterosexual handbook. Two fellas, Lynch (Trent Ford) and Blackwood (Rob Mayes) sneak off and before you know it, they’ve explored the inner-city’s underbelly, ifyouknowwhatImean. After that, there’s maybe 30 seconds of awkward and a full 20 minutes devoted to their relationship before Burning Blue becomes entirely about investigation.
Doncha think “Lynch” is a much better name for the DADT investigator than the investigated?
The love story here is more compelling than the investigation, as is the alienation of the intolerant member of the group, but neither story is well developed. I never thought I’d say this, but if you want to see homoeroticism among American Navy Pilots, go watch Top Gun again.
♪You never close the lens any more with binoculars
And your investigation is replete with particulars
You have no tolerance for pansies
Cuz baby, you’re narc-ing on Nancies!
You’ve lost all lovin’ feelin’
You’ve lost all lovin’ feelin’
You’ve lost all lovin’ feelin’
Cuz you’re a tool. Whoa. No. ♫
Rated R, 96 Minutes
D: D.M.W. Greer
W: D.M.W. Greer, Helene Kvale
Genre: Top Gun rewrite
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: LGBT
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Embarrassed 90s military personnel
♪ Parody inspired by “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling”
