Chappie is a terrible title. You know that, don’t you, South Africa? I know you didn’t want to come out and call this thing RoboCop. I mean, sure, IT IS a RoboCop reboot. But yeah, that’s a little intimidating; you wanted to describe a baby robot built for law enforcement just learning to be human, not necessarily a law-enforcing human robot. But, “Chappie?” Crappie. I hope fellows in your land actually still call one another “Chap.” Our continent did away with that practice several decades before I was born.
Obsessed with the cops and robbers of South Africa, Neill Blomkamp has shown us the gritty side of Johannesburg so often, I no longer believe there is a good side. Maybe y’all can build a big wall around the place; is that what you do with Lesotho? Well, we’re in the near future where robot drones sweep the landscape of Joburg for mullet-wearing punks. Where they go, armed living men follow and crouch behind them. If you own anything shy of a grenade launcher, the robot things are pretty indestructible and you’re dead, but that doesn’t stop punks from shooting at them, a lot.
Head robot designer Deon Wilson (Dev Patel) is on a quest for artificial intelligence. I love the part where, sure he designs the machines for a multi-billion dollar enterprise, but he has a cube, just like everybody else. I’m sure he gets all sorts of middle-management requests for typing up TPS reports; if Gary Cole had made a cameo to have Deon “go ahead and come in on Saturday,” I would have given this film four stars. In absence of The Bobs, Dev Patel decided to show up here with an English accent. Nobody is quite sure why.
On the other end of the police biz, three desperate criminals have been given a week to compensate for a blown heist. Mensa candidate Ninja (actor and name, I kid you not) follows a fierce firefight by answering the phone with his angry boss on the other end. This is your golden opportunity, mate. Play dead. Literally. No one who saw the carnage thinks you’re alive. But hey, the boss beckons; whatchagonnado? Long story short – these idiots kidnap that idiot so that we can have cheap thugs Ninja and Yolandi (Yo-Landi Visser – boy, you guys went all out on the naming here, huh?) raise Chappie, a highly intelligent robot with no preset memories. This is what the picture is about – seeing people who shouldn’t be parents raising a child who isn’t a child. It’s both kinda cute and kinda funny, but only when you don’t think about it.
Not a single plot point in the film, not one (1), isn’t rooted in “huh?” I mean, check this out, I want you to truly appreciate the lengths we go to have Chappie raised by felons: 1) The company that makes unique law-enforcing battle robots has worse security than a 7-11. 2) A company that makes thinking robots has no interest in artificial intelligence 3) A company interested in profits has no interest in artificial intelligence 4) The head designer steals a robot without anybody noticing 5) The bad guys, who have no solid plan on how to steal money, successfully identify the head designer and kidnap him without anybody noticing. 6) There is no safeguard protocol to stop this exact thing from happening.
Now about the time where fellow robot designer Hugh Jackman decides to undermine the police force and create chaos to sell
flying tank robots to Joburg 99, I gave up. Really? The local police don’t want grenade launching destruction machines. You don’t say. Ummmm, did you try any other sources, perhaps? I’m told many African nations are interested in advanced weaponry, but hey, that could be just a rumor.
And, of course, (almost literally) five minutes into the no RoboCop world, the place falls apart – despite the preponderance of criminals already brought to justice. Lawdy, South Africa, just how many of your citizens are potential felons, anyway? 10%? … 25%? … 90%?
I’m pretty impressed with the production design here. Chappie looks real. Also, these guys get a ton of mileage out of two moveable face bars and some (almost literal) rabbit ears. Chappie truly looks like he has emotion. And you know that most of the time you’re looking at C.G.I. or a guy in a costume or an inanimate object, but damn if I could tell – Chappie was indeed real to me.
A lot of the evil in Chappie has a very American feel. Villainy is oft punctuated with fellows wearing the stars and stripes in the form of shirts or headbands. When Ninja is showing Chappie how to act gangsta, he’s wearing hideous $100 bill decorated shorts. One of the mob trio is even named “Amerika.” I don’t know whether this is homage to America’s badassery or a barb at American violence. Whatever it is, I doubt you’ll find much interest here. Want to start a fight? Point out that universal health care is a right, not a privilege. Them’s fightin’ words up in here.
As a film, Chappie is having a bad hair day. Hugh Jackman’s hair is so awful you might not recognize him. And yet, his hair is not nearly as bad as that of Ninja or Yolandi. I haven’t been this turned off by hairstyles since The Road Warrior. Can’t say it detracted from my enjoyment of that particular film, but that particular film was much better.
Johannesburg’s new ‘bots keep the police force alive
Which is great, ‘cept the whole place looks like a dive
Baby droid is cute
Though dad’s a brute
I haven’t been this inspired since Johnny 5
Rated R, 120 Minutes
D: Neill Blomkamp
W: Neill Blomkamp, Terri Tatchell
Genre: Can a robot learn to love again?
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Future parents
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Cops
