You know, I actually feared writing this review. Why? Because while I enjoyed Guardians of the Galaxy a great deal, I didn’t love it unconditionally as one loves his newborn and I doubt very much it will make my personal top 20 of 2014. I’ve never written quite so irrelevant a review; comic book fanatics have already seen it, loved it and will gleefully shred any minor criticism I make; it’s like attacking Catholicism in Vatican City.
Get used to Chris Pratt. You’re gonna be seeing his embarrassed charm for many, many years. Now I’ve enjoyed him, of course, in “Parks & Rec” and Moneyball. I never considered that he had actual range. This is interesting. He has a real shot at being a poor man’s Harrison Ford. You’ll realize that is a compliment when you take my age into account. Peter Quill (Pratt) is the kind of guy sci-fi has been missing – a seriously, almost tragically, flawed hero — one of whom you can’t quite understand how he gets out of a jam exactly, but you’re glad that he does because you’re not entirely sure what his next move is.
After breaking out of prison, Quill breaks back in to collect a cassette player. The genius of the particular scene in question is the straightforward nature. Yes. We’ve just been subjected to space prison; yes, the key figure of the comical uprising is a machine-gun toting raccoon named Rocket (voice of Bradley Cooper) raging atop a sentient phrase-challenged super-plant named Groot (voice of sentient phrase-challenged super-plant 
Vin Diesel). If that struck anybody as weird, it didn’t show. During the siege, Rocket has Quill collect from another inmate his mechanical leg, for kicks I’m guessing. Zank you. I be here all ze veek. And after this chaos, Quill retrieves the only possession that means something to him, a cassette player and mix tape filled with the soundtrack collection of underappreciated 70s hits.
Guardians of the Galaxy has a comic book feel; I haven’t seen a film look quite so much as what I guessed the storyboards look like since The Rocketeer. Basic plot is five odd and powerful strangers (the three above plus green Zoe Saldana and blue Dave Bautista) come together to retrieve a universe-destroying metallic softball. You can take the plot to the nether reaches of the Galaxy, throw in a tree-man, a green hottie (Saldana here looks like the kind of chick Kirk would nail – and, of course, he tried, didn’t he?), and a talking raccoon, but a MacGuffin is still a MacGuffin.
GG is fun. It knows it’s fun. Yes, the universe is on the line and the film begins with the flashback death of pre-pubescent Peter’s mom, but nothing else here needs be taken seriously. We know this from the time Chris Pratt strolls onto the screen, dancing and gliding to “Come and Get Your Love,” while merrily booting the local reptiles over the title sequence all for some casual pilfering and then the disappointed frustration when caught of not being recognized by his stage name, “Star Lord.” Hey pal, takes a while for a nickname to grow — take it from me. Certainly more than one opening sequence.
♪I can break this ceiling
With ecstatic glee
Nerds, you just don’t realize
What you mean to me
When you hype me
In your tweets so light
You let me know
My box office plight
I-I-I-I-I-I I’m hooked an appealing
Genuflective kneeling
Of my admiring horde♫
Rated PG-13, 121 Minutes
D: James Gunn
W: James Gunn & Nicole Perlman
Genre: Merchandise
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: You’ve already seen it
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Dried-up withered heartless beasts who can no longer feed themselves properly, much less tell right from wrong or good from bad
♪ Parody inspired by “Hooked on a Feeling”
