Holy Crap, there’s another Hemsworth. Are you kidding me? There’s already pure saturation; the market can handle no more.
“Scotty, we need another Hemsworth in Hollywood!”
“Ahm sorry, cap’n. We canno take no more. We’re too full already!”
American acting faces yet another dark day. Tell me, Australia, can we at least get an exchange of some kind? How about a juicy American role in your new Mad Max film – I mean, that’s our kinda film, is it not? Ultraviolent, end-of-the-world, obsession with petroleum and muscle cars, tell me that doesn’t spell “U.S.A!…U.S.A!…U.S.A.!” Hmmm, Tom Hardy, Nicholas Hoult, Charlize Theron already the leads *sigh* I do hope we Yanks are not counting on Chris Pratt to see us through the famine.
Yes, Luke Hemsworth is a thing. And like his younger brothers, he’s handsome if a bit dull.
Australia knows about him, of course, but we here were just getting used to the idea of Liam. And Luke has a supporting role in Kill Me Three Times, yet another Pulp Fiction knock off. Yet another weak Pulp Fiction knock off.
Kill Me Three Times resets itself twice, as the title suggests, because the idiot tandem of dentist Nathan (Sullivan Stapleton) and assistant Lucy (Teresa Palmer) just can’t seem to do in human insurance claim Alice (Alice Braga). If you couldn’t kill her in reboots 1 or 2, isn’t the title a cheat? Each iteration retells the adventure from a different perspective, “adding” to the intrigue. Since Nathan and Lucy are real bad at murder, perhaps they should have gotten professional bad guy Charlie Wolfe (Simon Pegg). –yes, I’m quite certain his surname is a derivation of Harvey Keitel’s Wolf in Pulp Fiction.– Funny thing, Wolfe was contracted by Alice’s husband and local bigshot Jack (Callan Mulvey), so the first tale is Wolfe doing a voyeur act on a dentist with no patients/patience (take your pick).
Wolfe gets called for the initial spy job while in the middle of a hit. This is so Kill Me Three Times could give us that scene where an assassin takes a call during an operation. I don’t believe any true professional killer would take a phone call while in the denouement of a job, but you see how this a
dds a bit of levity to the situation. Cheap, cheap levity. Fine, sure, Simon Pegg as a wet worker. [insert laugh here] This is all gimmick. The plot is a gimmick. The editing is gimmick. It even feels like the casting is a gimmick.
Speaking of casting gimmicks, the dirty cop is played by Bryan Brown. Wow, a Bryan Brown sighting. Loved you in F/X, man. He’s not pleasant here, but it was nice of him to remind me of college. He runs one of those Aussie towns with only eight people, so it’s impossible for anybody to get away with anything. Crime starts happening and everyone naturally points to the only new face in town. It seems pretty silly to contract anything; first call is to the dirty cop.
I’m not wild about tongue-in-cheek murder. There’s a reason why slapstick and hand guns don’t mix. When they do, the results should be better than this. This tale wasn’t great once, and you told it three times. This could have been over far earlier.
Simon’s Pegg’s a heavy, dressed in all black
Much innovation this caper does lack
Didn’t work twice,
So was told thrice
I’m abandoning this tale, Out back
Rated R, 90 Minutes
D: Kriv Stenders
W: James McFarland
Genre: Pulp Fiction wannabe
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Old lady Hemsworth
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Old man Tarantino
