I’m still just not getting it. All the creatures in the Cars/Planes/Trains/Segways universe are mechanical, yes? Then why is their world green? What living thing in this world consumes vegetable matter? How could these animals evolve in this world? It doesn’t make any sense. The bottom feeders of any environment live on that which grows naturally. The predators feed off them. This world in which all feed off fossil fuels? Makes less sense than American energy policy.
Sorry, I just had to get that complaint out of the way – now to pan the movie.
Dusty Crophopper (voice of Dane Cook) is back. He’s world famous, and yet still humble – but only when the screenplay calls for it. You’ll remember that Dusty, without gifts, experience or talent and a fear of heights, won the race around the world in the last film. (I swear, he was gonna pull an Amelia Earhart during the final leg; maybe that’s in the director’s cut) Now without gifts or talent and just a smattering of experience to go with his acrophobia, Dusty wins montage races like clockwork. But uh oh! Dusty’s gear box is broken. Sorry about that career, kid.
Isn’t that just the way? Guy looks like he’s having a HoF career when a gear box tragedy strikes. Why, I remember when Darryl Strawberry broke his gear box; it was a sad day 
for the five people in the world who can stomach the ‘86 Mets.
So in a fit of self-important tantruming, Dusty creates a huge fire in their airfield playland and everybody has to break the water tower to put it out. And for some reason, Dusty gets off easy here. Instead of jail time for Dusty, the inspector cites the problem as failed safety procedures; the strip could use another emergency vehicle. “Noble” Dusty grudgingly offers that since he isn’t doing anything else, maybe he could go for a safety profession like firefighter. “Saaaaaafe-ty profession … saaaaafe-ty profession …” I bet that sits real well with actual firefighters.
Ed Harris gets to play Paul Newman here – this becomes, essentially, the same plot as Cars, and Dusty is equally as selfish as the original Lightning McQueen, only it’s prefaced in terms of noble behavior. It’s ok that trainee Dusty doesn’t pay attention to Blade Ranger because he thinks he can save lives. It’s also ok that he not pay attention because his mind is elsewhere; it’s also ok that he not divulge his current limitations, thus jeopardizing the lives of coworkers as well as civilians, because, well, it’s embarrassing when you have to own up to stuff, isn’t it?
Here’s what I learned from Planes: Fire & Rescue: when it comes to saving lives, it’s ok not to be a team player if you’re the headline act. As for the action, well, that little boy who’s into backhoes and digging will probably ask to watch this film again and again. You can let him; just always have a good book handy, dig?
“No more racing, Dusty,” the doc said
So Crophopper got it into his head
Forget his obsession
And take this concession
“Ho hum. I’ll just save lives instead”
Rated PG, 83 Minutes
D: Roberts Gannaway
W: Jeffrey M. Howard
Genre: Pop-up book
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Bob the Builder
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Goths
