We’ve been over this –you cannot sell a movie with “Sex” in the title to an American audience. We’re violent prudes at heart. It’s just never gonna work. Ever. What were you thinking? Of course it’s gonna underperform at the box office. Of course it’s gonna get panned. Americans don’t want to admit to anybody but themselves that sex is best thing you can hope to achieve; sometimes they don’t even admit it to themselves.
So how do you get that spark back when you’ve been married … a while? Annie (Cameron Diaz) and Jay (Jason Segel) hit upon a stupid-but-predictable answer: get drunk and make a Sex Tape. This is the marital equivalent of renting an RV for the purpose of family unity. Still, while the purpose is suspect, making a Sex Tape is a lot more fun than an RV, and probably why Sex Tape is far better than RV.
I know what you’re thinking: “Jim, where can I see more of Jason Segel?” And not only more of his bland, malleable personality, but more of Jason himself – his blemishes, his moles, his bland, malleable epidermis. Well, I can’t say this is the most Jason I’ve ever seen, but there’s plenty of him to go around in Sex Tape.
For a “fun” movie, Sex Tape starts out a bit sad and desperate. Annie is a serial blogger and often writes about her sexual frustrations. Her writing has attracted a family-friendly, big-company buyer, Hank (Rob Lowe). Not sure if it’s “Scrawny-Armed Rob Lowe” or “Meathead Rob Lowe” or both or neither. That’s just an excuse to get an eccentric Rob Lowe in the cast – big companies don’t really buy personal blogs. I mean, why would they? You want a writer? Employ her. We feel for Annie’s writing – she laments, “Remember the first time your lover saw you naked?” and follows that with “remember the second time?” and, sadly, ”remember the last time?” The visual recreations here go from dorm room Jay’s Pavlovian salivating over Annie’s bare backside to a scene where the two trade a shower without so much as a raised eyebrow. – Now, that is sad. And it’s not just sad if you’re married to Cameron Diaz. Sure, it’s understandable that years down the road, your personal compass ain’t gonna find north every.single.time you see your partner naked, but if you no longer find your partner’s nudity exciting at all, that’s a pretty big issue.
One gets the feeling that these two aren’t actually in that camp; they just don’t have time or space to be excited. However, they mistake lack of availability for lack of interest, hence, Annie dresses as Rollergirl from Boogie Nights to get Jay’s attention. Jay spoils this moment by wrenching a not-untied-enough skate off, thumping Annie on her ass 
and piling backwards into the closet himself. Personally, I think it’s hilarious when sexual coups sour, probably because that’s exactly what I imagine would happen if I tried such. Initially frustrated but undeterred, Annie and Jay decide to perform the entirety of The Joy of Sex to a camera. And Jay accidently uploads the video to every single person they know.
The film that follows is a study in bad plot work – the “contain the virus” stratagem is tiresome activity. Almost every plot you see where X doesn’t want Y to see Z can be alleviated with simple honesty. This is no exception. Instead, of course, Annie and Jay make an effort to gad about town ungifting a series of iPads from friends and relations. In most cases, I’m not going enjoy scenes like that, especially when no explanation is given and the collection process is unbounded (really? You couldn’t just say, “look, I’ve unwittingly given you a virus; would you just let me erase it and then you can have your machine back?” No? You gotta take back the whole thing? That’s not right). What I liked here was the supporting cast seemed to take it all in stride. Rob Lowe and Jack Black were both very good at creating laughs in situations where there should have been ugly. It’s not enough to make me love Sex Tape, but I laughed more than I cringed.
Perv corner: If you’re at Sex Tape just for the naughty bits, odds are you’re going to be disappointed. There’s far more tell than show here. Yeah, we’ve got some full rear nudity from both leads (good) and plenty of skin throughout (also good), but the moment of Cameron in action running towards a door in the buff is almost certainly a stunt ass. In this film, there’s no boobage, cooch or dong; also, while exotic sex is hinted at, there’s very little erotic follow through – the scenes of “things most of the populace don’t know/wouldn’t try” exist entirely for comic purpose. Normally, this would make me dislike a film like Sex Tape, but I didn’t mind so much here. Last year, I saw Cameron hump a Ferrari in The Counselor and I’ve already seen enough of little Jason Segel to last several lifetimes.
♪Workin’ on a Sex Tape
Getting resolution
Consultin’ Kama Sutra
Where is your knee?
Repairin’ a mistake
Collecting of all the tapes
Botherin’ the neighbors
Blackmailed by a kid
Workin’ on the legal
Avoiding getting busted
Salvaging dignity
No sex ever again♫
Rated R, 94 Minutes
D: Jake Kasdan
W: Kate Angelo, Jason Segel & Nicholas Stoller
Genre: Bow chicka b–??
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Middle-aged, very, very married couples
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Teens looking for a cheap thrill
♪ Parody inspired by “Sex Farm”
