The “found footage” genre cannot end soon enough. I am done with off-camera-scream, blurry villain, schizophrenic footage and the sounds of terrified haste. Done. I don’t care if it messes with your premise, put the camera on a tripod and let it run. Then “flee” in “abject terror” from some Scooby-Doo baddie if you must.
As Above, So Below is a horror film that’s big on creep but light on scare. That’s not the worst thing to be; several good films can be described thusly from Carnival of Souls to Blair Witch Project. The issue is direction. Here, take a short quiz:
A quarter mile below street-level Paris you find a grotto containing a piano from the house you grew up in (presumably not a grotto a quarter mile below Paris). How do you react?
1) “Ahhhhhh!!!!! We’ve got to get out of here!!!!!”
2) “Are we dead?”
3) “Hmm. That’s weird. Let’s move on.”
Your expedition is lead by a person who has shown zero signs of intuition, insight or intelligence. Upon finding a dead end, she interprets a clue to mean “move a rock,” and while she insists that moving the wrong rock will cause the cave to collapse, she hems and haws over the right rock. How do you react?
1) “Wait. Lady. I’m not putting my life in your hands.”
2) “Excuse me, please, I’m leaving and taking my chances with evil”
3) No reaction. Just let her do what she wants.
Somewhere in the claustrophobic labyrinth, you find a friend lost years ago and presumed dead. How do you react?
1) “How the F*** have you been living down here?!”
2) “Are you dead?”
3) No reaction. Just follow him.
If you answered #3 to those questions, please go see As Above, So Below and enjoy its questionable logic and minimalist writing to the fullest. For the rest of you? I’m kinda 
still waiting for the good part – the scary creepy part the previews hinted at. It just wasn’t there.
Scarlett (Perdita Weeks) is an archaeologist in search of the Philosopher’s Stone invented by Nicolas Flamel. Yes, this was the plot of the first Harry Potter. To find the stone, she searches hidden clues left in museum pieces. Yes, this was the plot of the first National Treasure. (There’s even a scene of applying lemon juice to the back of a slab – people, are you not even a little embarrassed by the shame-faced rip off?). I assume Perdita was picked for her English accent, because I can’t see any other reason why this actress landed a starring role. She’s completely unconvincing as scientist, scholar, siren, philosopher, nihilist, or daughter. I’m not even convinced she’s female.
Because the screenplay says so, a bunch of idiots are convinced that a hidden treasure lies beneath Paris and decide to sneak through the catacombs to find it. The chief idiot, Papillon (François Civil), likes to graffiti tunnels with, get this, his trademark — a spray-painted circle surrounding the name “PAP.” When I saw him do this in person the second time, I exclaimed aloud, “you’re just gonna leave your pap smear right there, huh?” It was funny to me.
The elements of horror are here – enclosed space, limited light, unknown path, human remains –excuse me, but why are the catacombs of Paris lined with loose calcified bones? Why didn’t you remove them? Does Paris lack for people with nothing to do? I’m quite sure that’s not true.
For all the setup, the horror is lacking. I found myself in the pained agony of laughter when late in the film a harried Scarlett encounters a demon and plows him over as would an unimpeded defensive end going through a receiver to get to a quarterback. Yeah, whatever credibility you had was lost in that split second. The plot is essentially about people getting in over their heads and discovering Hell, but they should have reached the “let’s go back” point long, long before presented … just as you should reach the return point long before entering the theater.
The Philosophers Stone quite renowned
In Parisian caverns can be found
Spelunking sub-level
“Say, is that The Devil?”
With any luck, they’ll get stuck underground
Rated R, 93 Minutes
D: John Erick Dowdle
W: Drew Dowdle & John Erick Dowdle
Genre: Claustrophobia
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Spelunkers
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Offended French
