The problem with hinting at romance and failing to deliver even a whiff is that when there’s a moment of excessive glee and confused frolicking, it looks to me like two teens having underwater sex with an amputated sea mammal. I see the way the Hazel (Cozi Zuehlsdorff) looks at Sawyer (Nathan Gamble). I hear the questions she asks; this is the closest they’ve been all film – you’re gonna tell me this ecstatic team dolphin riding stuff is all about the dolphin?
Parents of small children, I suppose I owe you an apology at this point. But, hey, you knew the risks. You know you’re getting into when I review things.
Dolphin Tale 2 is less a real-life fantasy like its predecessor and more like an episode of some Saturday morning Discovery Channel show 
about animal search and rescue. Nowhere is this more evident than the subplot of the kids finding a sea turtle caught in fishing line. Well, here’s what we do – we gently remove the line, we apply antibiotics, we feed some medicine, we nurse the creature to health, we let it go. Yes, the doting pelican following the turtle around like an addict to a crack dealer was endearing – but you’re not fooling anybody. You’re not here to entertain me; you’re here to teach me stuff, damn you!
The main conflict deals with tailfin challenged Winter growing despondent after the death of a companion. Winter needs a friend or she’s gonna be shipped to Texas. Let’s face it — Texas is no place for a dolphin. Oh, and Sawyer is being recruited by Boston 
University like he’s 6’8” and can dunk from the foul line. They came to his house. Boston University came to his house. In Florida. And he doesn’t play sports. Can you buy that? Me neither.
I watch this film in both fascination and abject horror with respect to the 15 year-olds running the whole show around them. Too young to drive; too young to date, but makin’ the key decisions about a multi-million dollar scientific zoological hospital/playground. I imagine myself being a guy with a Jacques Cousteau-like passion for marine life; I worked hard for my biology undergrad degree and instead of becoming a doctor, I clawed my way through grad school in zoological studies, interning at the local aquatic park for experience to support my thesis. I spent seven years pulling poorly discarded trash out of local bays, rivers and lakes to make environments livable for water-based animals. After all that hard work and study, I finally get my big break as I’m hired for the night shift to tend sick penguins at an aquarium. And after all that, some punk kid on vacation trips over a netted dolphin with his boogie board and now he’s swimmin’ with dolphins daily and makin’ life and death decisions to boot. If you ever thought life was fair, you might wish to reconsider.
I never noticed that Harry Connick Jr. and Kris Kristofferson were father/son in these films. Now I’m imagining some sort of talent show hoedown at the end of each night of shooting. At least I hope that’s what was happening, because there are generations of bad acting in this film. Nathan, Harry, Kris, you’re all being out acted by a mangled dolphin. Seriously. C’mon guys, get into it a little; I want my daughter weeping by Act II.
Those teens we met are fairly glum
Playing CSI at the aquarium
Mammal less voice
Inspires the choice:
To make tuna or instead just bury ‘em
Rated PG, 107 Minutes
D: Charles Martin Smith
W: Charles Martin Smith
Genre: Teaching your five-year-old about life and death
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Rehabilitated sea critters
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Degreed marine biologists
