Spotlighting secondary characters – did history miss out? We’re barely past Penguins of Madagascar and there’s already another successful spin-off sequel. Why haven’t we been doing this forever? For years, we could have been enjoying fun family films like Munchkins, Ewoks and Sleeping Fishes. What’s next? Those delightful Goblins from Harry Potter?
And just as Penguins got rid of the circus act and focused on penguins, Minions eliminated the rest of the Despicable world and focused on those lovable toadies, the anthropomorphized overalls-clad giant yellow ibuprofen gel tabs. We even get some background – weird background – asexual, immortal and self-evolving (although not since before the Pleistocene it would seem), these babbling pillow pals have been sycophants since before man existed. Caution: they aren’t very good at being sycophants.
Stranded in the Arctic without an alpha, the Minions decide to part with a few scouts to explore exciting new toadying opportunities. Just their luck! It’s Villain-con time in Orlando. I know this is supposed to be 1968 and all, but do you think Villain-con ever left Orlando? Sorry, I can’t NOT dig at Disney; it is, sadly, part of my nature.
Able to secure a gem as part of an on-stage melee fit for professional wrestling, minions Kevin, Stuart and Bob are hired by super villainess Scarlett Overkill (voice of Sandra Bullock). She employs them to steal the crown jewels so that she can claim the English throne. I’m not sure that’s how it works, but it makes more sense than the part where during the post-heist chase Bob uses Scarlett’s technology to wrest the
Sword in the Stone from its mooring and thus claim the English throne as Arthur did several legends ago.
Are you lost yet? I don’t blame you. Minions is an enjoyable waste of time. These super-sized banana creatures have personalities, but speak no English, nor give more than cursory thought to problem-solving situations; hence their actions rarely reflect anything intelligent or meaningful. While this does lead to a good joke or two – like when King Bob does a mic drop or redesigns the Westminster Abbey guard uniforms to be minion colored – it doesn’t lead to much in the way of long-term memory. I suppose this is good if you’re a five-year-old child or just somebody who wishes he were. If not, however, I recommend the original Despicable Me – same silly Minions, but so much more substance.
♪You don’t speak so good
Not sure you eat food
You silly yellow doofs
But lovin’ all your goofs
Now travel an ice floe
‘Cause you gotta go
How do you make a friend
When you never blend?
Hitch hitch hike butter
Across the states
Y’all might be a nutter
Ain’t it greats?
Yeah yeah yeah do the minion shuffle
Yeah yeah yeah do the moron shuffle♫
Rated PG, 91 Minutes
D: Kyle Balda, Pierre Coffin
W: Brian Lynch
Genre: Forgettably goofy
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: The cute-over-substance crowd
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Animation-phobics
♪ Parody inspired by “Harlem Shuffle”
