When did mean-spirited become acceptable? And it’s not just acceptable; it’s suddenly an asset. Ted 2 is marketed on the film’s aggressive dislike of tact, joggers, prudes, civility … you name it. Several moments at Comicon have Patrick Warburton (dressed at “The Tick,” nice homage) tripping, face-planting and humiliating nerds right–and-left without the merest hint of irony. I suppose this is as much a delivery of mean as a strict reading of Rule #1 of entertainment: know your audience. The audience that pays to see a foul mouthed teddy bear make sexual jokes? Yeah, I imagine it has [read: I have] no problem with that.
Yes, the living stuffed toy bear Ted (voice of Seth MacFarlane) and his human pal John (Mark Wahlberg) have returned to smoke weed, taunt Arizona State and steal Tom Brady’s semen. I suppose I can get behind some of that. What’s weird is that writer/director/alter ego MacFarlane thought he needed to tell a story here, and much of Ted 2, is, believe it or not, centered about legal proceedings.
Ted and Mrs. Ted (Jessica Barth) want a baby, but it just ain’t happenin’ what with Ted being a Hasbro product and all, but in their search for parenthood, the state suddenly recognizes that Ted isn’t human and is, therefore, not entitled to any human rights. In a way, this is a standard superhero sequel plot – in the first film, the super recognizes his power and his abilities; in the second, (s)he generally recognizes that the same attribute that grants power is also his/her greatest weakness.
Now, I know Ted 2 had no more intention in civil rights than it had in cinematic superhero reflection, but civil rights discussion happened, and that’s what I’d like to respond to.
Here’s my own brief discussion on the humanity of Ted:
Kermit: Is Ted human?
Fozzie: Of course not. He’s a freakin’ teddy bear. There’s nothing about him that resembles “human.”
Kermit: That seems hardly fair. Would you say that of a severely disabled war vet or The Elephant Man or Stephen Hawking?
Fozzie: Isn’t there something more to the humanity in those folks — a contribution to society, a selflessness?
Kermit: That seems fairly shallow criteria, no? If you’re going to go there, I’d call Tea Partiers the most selfish people on the planet, but I’d never call them inhuman.
Fozzie: What about the part in the movie where Morgan Freeman refuses to help Ted, basically because of his lack of contribution to society? Isn’t there something about that which you contribute that makes you human?
Kermit: Again, I’d point to people like Donald Trump and Dick Cheney; few people have “contributed” more to humanity, but I’d weigh their contributions on par or below that of child molesters and mass murderers.
Fozzie: So you’re willing to waive selflessness and contribution. Is it all about higher intelligence?
Kermit: If you can call it that; Ted is clearly not the 
quickest app on your iPhone, but his intelligence and understanding are certainly greater than that of 99.9% of other mammals.
Fozzie: Is that enough to make him human?
Kermit: Let me put it this way — if we can death row inmates human … if we can call Keanu Reeves human … if we can call the Koch brothers human, well, why not Ted? How is he really below any of those?
Fozzie: So Ted is human, then?
Kermit: Of course not. He’s a freakin’ teddy bear.
Sometimes I just love having a blog.
For a guy who probably gets sued a lot, Seth MacFarlane doesn’t seem to know much about court proceedings – for one thing, you can’t just try the same case over in the same place because you didn’t like the first result; there are rules and procedures about appealing decisions and different venues involved. And, if I’m being fair, I liked the arguments from Amanda Seyfried (playing a character named Sam L. Jackson here, HA!) better than those of film heavy Morgan Freeman. I also like how good a sport Amanda is about being a MacFarlane homie. Sure, she could take scripts in which the characters won’t comment, “you have ‘Give me the ring, my precious’ eyes.” But what fun are those films, really?
There is joy in mean-spiritedness. Expensive joy, but joy nonetheless.
♪The bear is back and there’s gonna be smoking
(Hey-la-day-la the bear is back)
Because that guy always has to be toking
(Hey-la-day-la the bear smokes crack)
He’s gotta prove that he is human too
(Hey-la-day-la the bear does lack)
Telling you now; he won’t make it in a zoo
(Hey-la-day-la that shit is wack)♫
Rated R, 115 Minutes
D: Seth MacFarlane
W: Seth MacFarlane, Alec Sulkin & Wellesley Wild
Genre: Excuse to make off-color jokes
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Teenage boys
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Their soon ex-girlfriends
♪ Parody inspired by “My Boyfriend’s Back”
