I’m currently imagining a romance B-list — it’s not filled with Keira Knightley, Colin Firth, Julia Roberts or Tom Hanks. It involves the cast of “Parks and Recreation” – people like Aubrey Plaza and Adam Scott [read: people who’d seem relatively gettable were they not actors] and today’s semi-cute, but definitely (otherwise) not-out-of-your-league pair, Daniel Radcliffe and Zoe Kazan.
Daniel Radcliffe and Zoe Kazan are indeed the B Team of Hollywood romance. While I have a tad more respect for Harry Potter’s acting now, he’s still awfully short to be the leading man he’s playing. I adored Zoe in Ruby Sparks, but now find myself mesmerized by a couple where the woman has a bigger nose than the man. It’s hypnotic … maybe that’s what I liked about What If – this couple seems real: looks are a 6, life is a 6. None of this gorgeous underappreciated woman or classy/hunky guy in a dead-end job crap.
Wallace (Potter) is a loser. A climb-to-your-rooftop-and-listen-to-the-breakup-message-every-single-night loser. He meets a girl. She’s cute and charming. But, let’s face it, if you’re over 20, every.single.person who is cute and charming is either taken or has baggage. The former applies here as Chantry (Kazan) belongs to Ben (Rafe Spall), an international big shot. Sorry, Harry, this Hermione is HerBenny’s. Yet she still wants to be friends. Of course she does. Sure, he’s available and attracted to her and has only one other friend (a guy), but he’ll make a go of the platonic friendship with the opposite sex. Hence, What If then becomes When Harry Met Chantry.
“Chantry?” Really, “Chantry?” I’m not even sure how to make fun of this. Wait. Wait. Try this: Maybe Harry dreams of one day being among the Landed Chantry. *sigh* Back to my couch.
I feel kind of wrong liking this film. Radcliffe and Kazan do have some chemistry on set while Kazan and Spall deliberately do not, but, well, Chantry belongs to Ben. When she gets caught trying to sneak into and out of a size 2 dress, she shouldn’t ask Wallace for 
help, and he shouldn’t help, either. Let her get out of her own dress. Girlfriends help you with that stuff. Guy friends who want to sleep with you don’t. And it’s asking an awful lot otherwise and she kinda knows it.
While otherwise unspectacular, What If offered the rare and dangerous Double Meet Cute. Don’t try this at home; these are professionals. Basically, depressed Harry Potter is at the fridge mangling magnet poetry when Chantry approaches and makes adorable conversation. Before the play has ended, however, Allan (Adam Driver) undercuts with a beer feint while Nicole (Mackenzie Davis) runs a crossing route in search of nonexistent friend. Allen intercepts the route, poses as the nonexistent female friend for a delightful laugh and the two scurry off in tandem to play a game involving bases. Meanwhile, Harry and non-mione resume adorable conversation.
I’m not trying to sell you on this thing. What If was cute snack food if not a full meal. Speaking of full meals, the film’s greatest contribution was introducing the audience to an Elvis indulgence called “Fool’s Gold.” What If you already know what “Fool’s Gold” is? I suggest you seek another treasure.
Single Harry Potter sans assets
Dreams Chantry will be the girl he gets
While Ben is away
Will the snitch have its day
Or get lost in his Chamber of Regrets
Rated PG-13, 98 Minutes
D: Michael Dowse
W: Elan Mastai
Genre: Romance among people you could imagine having a real life chance with
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Women who don’t mind entertaining the idea of leaving their partners
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Steady dates
