Lili (Zsófia Psotta) is having the worst summer of her life. Now 14, the Hungarian waif has to stay with dad (Sándor Zsótér) at his crappy no bedroom in the city because mom and her new friend are leaving for a while. We get the feeling that dad has been estranged for, perhaps, years. He prepares for their quality together time by acquiring a bubble wand and testing it out. Enjoy this moment; it will be the last endearing instance from an adult for at least an hour. Lili is too old for bubbles, of course. And this forced arrangement wasn’t gonna be her bag long before she wrapped her head around the small quarters, the side-by-side twin beds, dad’s foul mood and the intense intolerance of dogs by every.single.person she encounters.
All Lili wants is to spend time with her dog. And the dog is not only her companion, but her link to normalcy. Hagen, some sort of lab/pit bull mix, represents the difference between her having a lousy-but-tolerable summer and the kind of summer where she goes to jail for underage narcotics possession. Naturally, the dog is forcibly removed 30 mins in when dad leaves Hagen on the highway. Look, dad, I know you’re pissed that mom’s life is now cool, but seriously, don’t take it out on your daughter.
Young fathers out there – you want crash course on how not to handle your burgeoning teen? Watch the first hour of White God. So after Hagen-dog’s expulsion from “paradise,” one might figure the camera would focus on Lili – how will she cope? Will she run away? Will she hide in her music (she’s an accomplished trumpet player)? We get a li’l Lili, but mostly we follow Hagen. That’s right, this movie is actually about her dog.
BTW, anybody speak Hungarian out there? Does the title make sense in that language?
Often, I will encounter an audience that is too Right Wing for its own good. In every unnecessary or indulgent show of violence in the name of justice, 
there will be audience members cheering the carnage. Go Stallone! Kill those Commies. White God was my first encounter with an audience too Left Wing for its own good. Down the line, Hagen is acquired by a dogfight trainer. The dog is molded from lovable family pet to a killer. And in anticipation of his first match, 30% of my audience stood up and departed the theater. I’m not kidding; they up and walked out instead of seeing a dog fight.
Geez. If you sat through The Passion of the Christ; you can certainly handle a dog fight.
You know what the worst part is? The dog wrangling in White God was far from top shelf. When the dogs grappled, I supposed it looked real to some, but I saw two dogs “wrestling” – their hair matted with “blood” for the camera, their snarled expressions recreating “viciousness” only appear in isolated close-ups. Those dogs weren’t fighting. Not one little bit.
Wait. Lemme backtrack. That wasn’t the worst part. The real worst part? After this moment, White God becomes a horror film. I’m not kidding. Like something straight out of The Birds. And the horror is bad. Really bad. Mainly because the dogs don’t sell it. I mean, there’s an iconic shot (it opens the movie) with Lili biking down an eerily empty street with a hundred or more dogs chasing her. The second time I saw this, I realized it was supposed to be horror; the first time, I had no idea what to think. “Oh, cool, girl chased by a bunch of dogs … angry? No. Those are happy dogs; they look like they’re chasing that chuck wagon.”
That was supposed to be horror?! Oh. Um … look, in Hungarian, English or lab/pitbull language, this film really doesn’t work.
♪My dog is back and you’re gonna be in trouble
(Hey-la-day-la my dog is back)
You see him coming better cut out on the double
(Hey-la-day-la my dog is back)
You been abusing his canine crew
(Hey-la-day-la my dog is back)
They’re out for blood startin’ with you
He’s been gone all over town
(Hey-la-day-la he brought his pack)
You made him a killer of high renown
(Hey-la-day-la good sense you lack)
Show him a picture of any biped
(Hey-la-day-la you stupid hack)
I guarantee he’ll be seeing red
(Hey-la-day-la your shit is wack)♫
Rated R, 121 Minutes
D: Kornél Mundruczó
W: Kornél Mundruczó, Viktória Petrányi, Kata Wéber
Genre: A girl and her dog … and horror
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Werewolves
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: People who hate Michael Vick
♪ Parody inspired by “My Boyfriend’s Back”
