This is what happens when you want to make Ocean’s Eleven but are missing a few zeroes in your budget. You can even see the pitch meeting, “I’ve got this marvelous great pretty-good idea for a hotel heist comedy; all I need is $100 million dollars.”
“You can have $1 million”
“Deal!”
Entonces … La Raza presente Los Once del Océano: So there’s this town in Texas, name of Kilroy – named after the leader of the white mob who stole the town from the Mexican ranchers in the 19th C. when the land changed from “Tay-hoss” to Texas. The victors conceded that the farmers were entitled to their land under the new flag, so long as they could show deed title to it. There’s your MacGuffin – a bunch of old land deeds.
The whole controversy is over disputed land rights and the only way the Mexican natives win is if they show deed and possession thereof … if the deed doesn’t exist, victory goes from small chance to no chance. “Why?” one might ask, “Why, assuming this history is correct, wouldn’t the victors simply burn all the deeds once acquired?” That’s a good question. The only answer that makes sense to me is that otherwise there would be no lame caper to film.
Kilroy homeowner Josefa (Carmen Beato) finds the deed to her house buried in her yard, where it’s been gathering worms since before the Civil War. Naturally, it’s stolen in the next scene. Neither Josefa nor daughter Jackie (Cristina Rodlo) know how to get it back, so it’s time to call for the professionals: Ladrones (“Bandits”), a pair of Mexican Robin Hoods. It’s like The A-Team, only since it’s Mexican, there’s a discount – two guys instead of four and, like the A-Team, they work for free, but it’s in pesos, so it’s cheaper. Alejandro Toledo (Fernando Colunga, the Hispanic answer to Kyle MacLachlan) is the schemer/planner/quick change artist while Santiago Guzman (Eduardo Yáñez, the Mexican Jon Favreau) is the b&e/muscle
guy. Their target? The safe in a penthouse suite of a well guarded beach resort hotel owned by descendant Miranda Kilroy (Jessica Lindsey).
When the badits realize two is a little short for the coup needed, they recruit, they actually hold auditions from the townspeople … for an illegal activity. I want to applaud an attempt at comedy, but there wasn’t a good chance of this working even if you hired tight-lipped professionals. And so they select a terrible actor and a ditz and a medium and Jackie’s idiot boyfriend for the theft. As the film successfully avoided both cool criminal hijinks and comedy at this point, I wondered why I was watching it.
I suppose if you’re an Hispanic Texan and still hold a grudge against the Gringos who stole your land, you might get into this … but I doubt it. Lo siento, Señor.
Come, let me tell you of some Robin Hood Ladrones
They don’t work for commission or even a bonus
We all really care
For this magic pair
Too bad the script has no cajones
Rated PG-13, 98 Minutes
D: Joe Menendez
W: Jon Molerio
Genre: Justice! Well, comedy, but comic justice!
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: People who remember The Alamo, but for different reasons
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: White Texans
