Do you suppose there’s a retirement home for old terrorists? It didn’t quite seem a job where you grow old, but given Pierce Brosnan and (the late) Roger Rees seeking to destroy large sections of the free world, I suddenly pictured a small villa where assholes reminisce about the old days before digital timers, swap fond memories of setting fire to a church or blowing up a bus full of children and then complain that the young cyberterrorists of today have it so easy … “in my day, we had Vista, and we liked it!”
If you ever wonder why people have no faith in agents of intelligence, you can blame films like Survivor for planting that seed. Kate Abbott (Milla Jovovich) is alone in her desire to foil the forces seeking to harm London; her team has been blown up; her superiors are more concerned with finding her than the people who did the bombing, and so is Nash (Brosnan) who has identified Kate as the one loose end. So, finding herself isolated post explosion, Kate goes to a public park where she meets armed colleague [read: traitor] Robert Forster. In the ensuing struggle, she emerges and then strolls absently into a courtyard of people while holding the murder weapon. When she notices the throng of iPhones pointed at her, the words, “I didn’t do it” or some fool thing emerge.
This would be the ideal time to point out that Kate is considered the gem of local intelligence; it was a real coup for the state department to collect her. Try to mull this fact around when the movie shows public camera upon public camera finding Kate’s face – always straight on, never a side view, never a disguise, never any attempt to elude or mask, you know, like a person on the run
might do. And every.single.expression of hers is the same – something along the lines of, “huh. It probably would be a good idea keep a lower profile.”
And then the London authorities can’t find her. I’m not kidding. She even manages to escape by plane – on a day in which two large explosions have rocked the city. She does eventually put on a disguise – a pair of glasses. Yeah, she didn’t cover up the scorch burns on her face, but those glasses: “oh, who can it be?”
Maybe she found the immunity idol somewhere in the subway; that I might believe.
Back in the United States, it’s New Year’s Eve, and the players are there because, well, it’s terrorists-fly-free day. And they’re headed straight for the core of the Big Apple, because if you can’t lay waste to Times Square on New Year’s Eve, you can’t lay waste.
I’ve come to a point where I don’t find Milla Jovovich believable in any role she plays. She could be taking the role of an actress-former-model growing out of the age where she could get by on looks alone and I’d probably say, “yeah, I’m not buying it.” Points for some decent thriller elements, but not many. Next time, vote her off the island.
Meet Milla, the mistress Survivor
Smarts-wise, she ain’t no MacGyver
By random chance, she’s aliver
Career? This won’t revive ‘er
Rated PG-13, 96 Minutes
D: James McTeigue
W: Philip Shelby
Genre: Terror! Fear! Did I mention Terror!?
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Terrorists
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Anyone in intelligence
