Imagine if Shakespeare had ended Romeo & Juliet with “it was God’s will after all.” Or what if George Orwell had concluded Nineteen Eighty-Four with, “The Lord works in mysterious ways.” How about a similar ending for The Wizard of Oz or Casablanca; heck, imagine if It’s A Wonderful Life – a true classic with heavenly intervention throughout – it even concludes with a supposition about angels, but if that film had ended with George Bailey explicitly proclaiming, “I guess God knows best,” well that … that would piss me off big time. You can imagine how I feel about a piece of art that is quite clearly NOT a classic.
I should have identified with this film; Allyson (Sarah Drew) has a blog. Hey, so do I! That’s where the comparison ends. Allyson is presented as a type A’s type A. In between house cleanings, she cleans the house some more. When she stands still, she can “feel the house getting dirtier.” When her kids make eggs, all she can she is specs of salmonella laying in wait to trap a helpless child. Oh sure, she’s an apprehension queen to be sure, but a true Warrior Worrier would hit the refresh button on her husband’s incoming flight path every thirty seconds. Far as I can tell, some people only worry about the men when it’s conveeeenient.
[It’s hard to tell if these portrayals are irresponsibly stereotypical or just poor writing. Yes, the husbands in this movie are all worker-bee morons while the wives make home, take care of the children and attend book club, even though they have no time to read. Yeah, I think it’s fair to say that since hubby Sean (Sean Astin) pulls the irresponsible card and the hospital card within five screen minutes of alone time with the kids, these portrayals are a tad irresponsible.]
Basically, Allyson has had enough and decides for a night out with her girlfriends, who are not allowed to look or dress attractively. It doesn’t really matter as neither Patricia Heaton nor Andrea Logan White shows much of a personality. Only a noob would fail to see where this is going – girls night out turns into a disaster, fortunately and ironically saved by sister-in-law Bridget’s inability to locate her toddler.
Somewhere after the tattoo parlor, scene II, and after the hospital, part I, but before the release from jail, Mom’s sorry Moms’ Night Out gives up the attempted comedy and makes a sharp detour in Godland. Perhaps it was when burly biker Bones (Trace Adkins) starts waxing about his life and his faith. Oh no. You know, it wasn’t a terrific film up to this point, but it was kind of fun. I love the idea of searching for a baby in a tattoo parlor. And the requisite running joke of name dropping “police” as a Pavlovian trigger to make all the denizens scurry into the room behind the beaded curtain … good stuff. But when you start walking the God route, you have to know what an antithesis that is to entertainment. Allow me to demonstrate:
Let me tell you exactly what I think of Moms’ Night Out – was it a cute, if hypocritical, delve into the essence of a typical family woman? Was it a diabolical assertion that only God’s children are allowed to lead fulfilling lives? Was it the conservative answer to Sin City?
It was God’s will.
A blogging mom thinks it’s a shame
Her Sisyphean task list is the same
At break with her squad
She concludes, “it’s all God”
It’s important to pretend there’s no blame
Rated PG, 98 Minutes
D: Andrew Erwin, Jon Erwin
W: Jon Erwin, Andrea Gyertson Nasfell
Genre: The ultrarare God/Mom/Comedy … a “Godmomedy”
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Moms big on the faith and light on filter
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Non-moms
