The Chipmunks would be funnier if they were angry. Yeah, after watching the Angry Birds trailer one-too-many times, I have thought about the proper allocation. The Munks need steam. Treating them as mischievous morons who need the occasional back-of-the-hand isn’t doing anybody a favor. They need to be Donald Duck pissed off and then happy when they create havoc. That might make this shit funnier. Either that or being on dope when you watch them, which also might help one deal with the soundtrack.
You know what’s the best part of Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip showing up on Christmas Day? It can’t be overlooked on “Worst of the Year” lists. Only the most meticulous will dutifully announce “no room at the Worst Western; the three ‘wise’ Munks must be relegated to the stable of crap.”
Fresh off a party which will only seem out-of-control to a three-year-old Mormon, Alvin, Simon and Theodore have been grounded. Their owner/handler/manager/tackling dummy Dave (Jason Lee) has left them behind while he heads to Miami with his girlfriend, single mom Samantha (Kimberly Williams-Paisley. Oh, Holy Crap, I know that name. Father of the Bride, right?) As Dave has packed an engagement ring, the Munks get the wrong idea that punk Miles (Josh Green) is soon going to be their step-brother. — I’m sorry, but really? They’ve got the wrong idea about Dave? Who plans a trip with a steady, packs an engagement ring, and isn’t planning proposing? Why is this a false lead? Oh, such poor writing. — Miles, Samantha’s son, is introduced to us by bullying the rodents on the mini golf circuit. Keep in mind, this is a guy we’re going to end up rooting for.
This is just a stupid film. Miles and the rats take a plane, but that goes sour, so they end up driving, hence “Road Trip.” I mean “Chip.” Lord, you put the word “Chip” in the title twice. It’s really bad to get TSA moments wrong in a Christmas film. I mean, this is the time of year in which we all become intimately familiar with the ways we are humiliated while getting through a gate check at the airport. They don’t just let you fly with smuggled live animals. They don’t allow you to handle your own bag once it’s removed for inspection. They don’t see issues and say, “I don’t get paid enough” or some other defeated note of resignation. And they certainly don’t let you out of their sight after you’ve screwed with a flight and an air marshall.
I hear you. “It’s a comedy, Jim.” Well if it’s a comedy, when is it going to be funny? Do you personally think a rat poop pellet emerging from an adult pant leg is funny? Because even six-year-old me wouldn’t. And, like a Marx Brothers film, the comedy is periodically interrupted by musical interlude, because The Road Chip thinks that’s an asset, too. Now unlike a Marx Brothers film, you
might actually long for a harp solo after hearing the Chipmunks mangle another pop tune. “Uptown Funk” doesn’t get better in high falsetto, and now that I think about it – almost nothing else does. The style is a gimmick, but nothing more – like listening to somebody who has just sucked a helium balloon. Yeah, that can be funny, but you wouldn’t want to listen to it for more than 15 seconds, would you?
So among the flat jokes, poor plotting and Munk scat, what did I like here? On the airplane, cult film legend John Waters is sitting in first class, and while Alvin is on the lam, the two cartoonish figures have a brief conversation about Pink Flamingos. You get ½ a star for suggesting Alvin the Chipmunk has seen Pink Flamingos. Of course, I don’t believe for an instant the writers of this film have; it had style.
♪This shit, want to troll
For this film I’m far too old
This one for them squirrels
Tail twirls collected feces
Gnawin’, clawin’, vile-in’ it up in the city
Got to call someone with expertise
Damn! The exterminator quitty
It’s so not (not fun)
These rodents can’t get it done
It’s so not (not fun)
Can’t even make a decent pun
It’s so not (not fun)
Gonna exit for theater one
It’s so not (not fun)
Think I wasted that money, breaking down
Oooh, it’s endin’ hallelujah (whoo)
Oooh, it’s endin’ hallelujah (whoo)
Oooh, it’s endin’ hallelujah (whoo)
‘Cause that clown munk gonna bore you
‘Cause that clown munk gonna bore you
‘Cause that clown munk gonna bore you
Saturday morn and I’m gonna plotz
Don’t believe me just watch♫
Rated PG, 92 Minutes
D: Walt Becker
W: Randi Mayem Singer & Adam Sztykiel
Genre: Rodentia dimidiam stella
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Your tin-eared five-year-old
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Parents
♪ Parody inspired by “Uptown Funk”
