No Africans were injured in the filming of this movie.
No Africans were filmed in the filming of this movie.
Most of Blended is set in “Africa.” This is an Africa where there aren’t any countries, there’s just Africa, as if the place is less a continent and more of a resort. There’s a distinct Club Med feel to the continent — the rooms have themes; the people are well-fed and smack of impeccable dentistry; wild animals exist only for the sake of decoration or humor. There’s parasailing and ostrich races, ballroom dancing and hair salons. It looks like Las Vegas without the neon. And Terry Crews shows up to taunt any would-be listener. I cannot really emphasize how little this film reminded me of anything African.
Let me backtrack. Jim (Adam Sandler) and Lauren (Drew Barrymore) are single parents. Yes, this is another Adam ‘n’ Drew show, to which I say, Congratulations, Blended, you’re the third best romcom starring Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore. As fathers go, he’s not terrible; he just should have had boys. He dresses all three girls in track suits, adorning the elders with a Prince Valiant mop. It makes the two older girls fairly androgynous – and believe me, Blended milks that teat dry over the course of two hours. Barrymore is a more realistic parent, but has no control over her sons. It’s a bit unsettling to see the younger boy throw an epic tantrum at little league – the unsettling part is not-so-much the tantrum as 1) everybody knows it’s coming 2) she does nothing with respect to the child BUT 3) she is very aggressive to fellow parents. Huh. Wonder where the kid gets the idea that an emotional outburst in front of peers is acceptable?
Blended leaps into a blind date to start. It’s at a Hooters. It’s a disaster. Now, I liked this part – there’s a vulnerability that comes with commonplace and it was nice to see Adam Sandler back there again. You know, the Adam who’s just an ordinary Mordecai. He’s been playing: [hyperbolic adjective] [most uncommon noun] with a [gerund] disorder for so long, I’d forgotten I actually enjoy normal Adam. Drew, too, is somebody who comes off much better as a pedestrian hidden gem than an Angel. Seeing them blow the date and go back to their mildly satisfyin
g lives? That works for me.
Lauren’s friend and business partner Jen (Wendi McLendon-Covey) falls for a very wealthy widower with five children. When Jen balks at an African vacation for their seven, Jim and Lauren separately acquire the pieces of the trip. This took a little math – hmmm, two kids plus three kids = five kids and one plus one = two adults, hey! What a coincidence!
The theme of the vacation is “Blended,” a vacation accepting mixed families of all sorts, who apparently have no interest in experiencing anything but the brochure tour of “Africa.” And I’m back to where I started.
Blended is better than many of the more recent Sandler films: Grown Ups 2, Hotel Transylvania, That’s My Boy, Jack and Jill … which is akin to saying the Cleveland Browns won 8 games once recently. You’d think I’d give up on Adam Sandler by now. What the Hell?
♪Here’s the story
Of a middling father
Who was bringing up three very lovely girls.
All of them had helmet hair in courtly fashion
With custom fitted bowls
Here’s the story
Of an angry mother
Who was busy with two boys of her own
The eldest has custom porn of his sitter
Need I say more?
Till the one day when the lady met this fellow
On an “African” trip to a resort
And, sure, they had to get together
Or there’d be nothing to report.
The Blended Bunch
The Blended Bunch
That’s the way you can make me
Lose my lunch♫
Rated PG-13, 117 Minutes
D: Frank Coraci
W: Ivan Menchell, Clare Sera
Genre: Hanks/Ryan. Er, I mean Sandler/Barrymore
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Parents of new children who can only see one film a year
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Real Africans, I’m guessing
♪ Parody inspired by “Theme from The Brady Bunch”
