Why are there always masses of mediocre kung fu henchmen? Do these guys not know they’re villains? Fellas, you just saw your boss kidnap six children in broad daylight. This is a felony, even in China. Your compliance, nay, your assistance in executing these crimes is also wrong. Do none of you have families? Children of your own? Do they not know they’re going to lose? If China has taught me anything over the years, it’s that one talented martial artist is worth an entire dojo. Every time a kung fu movie presents a badass, there are always a thong of desperados to prove him. Who are these people? [/Seinfeld]
This is the third in the Ip saga, his Jedi, if you will, where Master Ip (Donnie Yen) finds a rival, protects a school, supports his dying wife, and battles with Ewoks on the moon of Endor. Ok, that last thing didn’t happen, but I can replace it with something even more bizarre – Master Ip has a three minute bout with Mike Tyson. Seriously. Mike Tyson. And don’t knock it, because this surreal fight between kung fu master and former heavyweight champion boxer is the reason I’m giving thumbs up.
It’s a small town in 1959 China and two boys are squaring off in a playground. My Mandarin is a little rusty, but I think this started when the first boy said, “I’m Batman. Suck it!” probably should have read the captions on that one. Oh well. The kids turn out to be the children of the legendary kung fu lama Ip Man and his future rival, Cheung Tin-chi (Jin Zhang). For those unfamiliar with the legendary Man of Ip, he’s soft-spoken and pleasant, rarely choosing a fight and often ending one. He walks around in these long flowing black robe-like garments as if he’s expecting either The Matrix to break out or to be asked when he’s teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts. And this film has made him be a dick to his wife Cheung Wing-sing (Lynn Hung), which seems completely out-of-character, but sets up the second half of the film where she hospitalized from cancer while the townspeople all call him a pussy for ducking a battle.
Ip Man 3 is a little disjointed because the local mob problem has to be solved before the film can deal with the cancer. Hence, the first half of the film is Ip Man and the Ipsters protecting a school from Tyson’s thugs with several glorious kung fu melees, and then it shifts into dance lessons and hospital beds leading up to the big fight, much like the end of Rocky 2. Ip Man smokes like a chimney, btw. This seemed odd to me because it simply isn’t addressed – not in the form of ritual, character trait or health. I think his wife has either abdominal or ovarian cancer, not lung cancer from the
second hand smoke, but … still. Weird. When’s the last time we rooted for an action hero who smoked, hmmm? I’m sure we’ve had at least one since Officer John McClane but names are not leaping to mind.
I can’t say I’m a marvelous fan of the Ipfilms. Ip Man makes a nice superhero – stoic, passive, only fighting when he needs to, and kicking ass when he does, but –true story or not- these films always feel just like the plot exists just to get to the next big battle. This, of course, contrasts greatly with the biographical nature of the story – you can’t well fight and mourn at a bedside at the same time, but the producers managed to find a way to include both all the same. Figuring out how to get a good match between Yen and Tyson was, however, a marvelous touch and worth the attention from fight fans, so marginal passing grade. Quite while you’re ahead, Ip.
♪I used to study Sun Yat-sen
I used to get knocked down
I couldn’t take the punishment
Of beatings all over town
Now I’m taking no chances
I got a job right over there
You might call me wimpy
But I don’t even care
Because I know who’s protecting me —
There’s Ip in my square
Yeah Ip, do you dare?♫
Rated PG-13, 105 Minutes
D: Wilson Yip
W: Lai-yin Leung, Chan Tai-Li, Edmond Wong
Genre: Kung foolishness
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Ip grandchildren
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Pacifists
♪ Parody inspired by “Hip to Be Square”
