So, if I am to understand this correctly – your hero is a polar bear; he lives in the Arctic; he is very concerned about the destruction of his home; the screenplay mentions the word “green” or “Greene” at least a dozen times; and yet, not once is there a mention of “Global Warming” or “Climate Change.” Is that correct? Not even a mention to dismiss the idea out of hand, like a head-in-the-ever-more-arid-sand climate denier? Well, sirs, you have earned my applause. Bravo. Brav-o. This is some awesome bullshit. I know you’re proud.
Lest I give the wrong impression, Norm of the North would have sucked even had it bathed in the glow of global warming. Note to young animators out there: Animated movies have to be funny. No winning jokes means we’re watching animation for the joy of animation. That’s like drinking alcohol-free beer.
Keep in mind, I, apparently, liked this film better than most critics.
Norm (voice of Rob Schneider; that’s actually not a bad move – I certainly don’t want to see him) is the polar bear in question. His soft heart often leaves him hungry, as demonstrated in the opening sequence where he runs down a seal and then treats the would-be meal as his therapist (geez, pal, just eat me already). So, if he’s not eating the animals he catches, what is he eating? The voluminous amount of berries that grow in the Arctic Circle? Honestly, I don’t know. Besides never eating, Norm has another problem which is that he can speak and understand English. Boy, that’s a convenient -if stupid- plot point.
Luckily for us, opportunity arrives then and there. The Greene Corporation has come to build homes right on the Arctic tundra. The Arctic is owned by a Manhattan-based corporation, is it? Does Santa know about this? Does Canada know about this? So Norm lives down his name, destroys the commercial shoot, hitches a ride to NYC and becomes the spokesbear for the Greenes, who all think he’s a human in a 
bear costume. Here we meet Mr. Greene himself (Ken Jeong), who combines the ruthlessness of an American fortune 500 company CEO with the look of an aging hipster. It doesn’t work. Well, nothing in this picture actually works.
Norm of the North attempts amiable blubber and comes up way short. If you’re going to make a cut-rate Happy Feet, you’re supposed to make a point – bear is about to lose his home, let’s blame somebody. So, who’s the target? Hipsters? CEOs? Hippies? Predators? Carnivores? Santa? Norm of the North was astute enough to recognize that penguins do not belong at the North Pole, sure, that’s great, but ignored every opportunity to make a statement about something besides zoology. The best part of the film is Norm’s set of lemming flunkees, who are either a blatant rip-off of the Minions or a blatant rip-off of the Penguins of Madagascar, depending on whichever franchise you’re more attached to. There’s just nothing new here and everything you see, you’ve seen done better, even in mediocre films. Norm is, unfortunately, well below norm.
♪I thought I saw a man brought to ice
He shot film; he brought a home that was big and nice
He showed me what it was to lie
It’s time to go, let’s hop on board
You don’t seem to know
Seem to care, where this boat is moored
I sure don’t know this land, oh Lord
There’s nothing but this skinny hide
Got my grandpa locked inside
That’s what’s going on
Nothing’s right, I’m Norm♫
Rated PG, 86 Minutes
D: Trevor Wall (♪Come spend the night inside my Trevor Wall♫)
W: Daniel Altiere, Steven Altiere, Malcolm T. Goldman
Genre: Crappy babysitting option
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Rob Schneider
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Environmentalists, adults, critics, people with taste … just pick a box, any box.
♪ Parody inspired by “Torn”
