Watching this movie is like watching two third graders do Abbott and Costello’s “Who’s on First?” routine — with enough coaching, they can get the words right, but that won’t make it intrinsically funny. Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day was one of my favorite books from childhood. This film captured 0% of what I loved about that book. Does that make it a bad film? Well, not on that count – more on the count of it being a farce where the unimaginable is dull, a family film that won’t bring a tear to your eye, and a comedy that isn’t very funny.
Title character Alexander (Ed Oxenbould) has a pretty lousy day, but it stops shy of being tragically bad – the kind of bad you NEED for this comedy to work. Then the kid pulls a Liar, Liar –seriously, the same exact ploy, a wish on a birthday (cup)cake— and makes everybody have a bad tomorrow while we forget there is even a title character. I’m sorry; where was your movie planning on taking us?
Let me take you on his bad day — now, yeah, there is some suck (trip to the principal, being the last picked up — I remember the latter very well from my own childhood), but mostly it’s suck on the order of “I’m responsible for the class guinea pig.” Does that describe a terrible day? No, mostly just an inconvenient day. And the whole point here is that Alexander should have a forgettable day and then have his family forget him to boot, thus compounding the suck and letting everybody know it bites to be forgotten — like Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone or Molly Ringwald in Sixteen Candles. John Hughes? That guy knew how to forget a kid.
So after this “bad day,” Alexander takes the very selfish step of wishing everybody else a bad day and then promptly dissappears while we follow dad (Steve Carell) through a funky interview, mom (Jennifer Garner) through an unforgivable book release, bro (Dylan Minnette) through an ugly driver’s test a
nd sis (Kerris Dorsey) as the worst-yet-most-entertaining Peter Pan I’ve ever seen.
Say, where did Alexander go? You know, the title character? Yeah, where is he?
Very Bad Day has a tragic lack of comic timing; it’s not just that the film milks comedy out of mouse-sized udders (we’re laughing at catching a thrown shrimp with your mouth, really?), it’s more that there’s no sense of comic set-up. I kept wondering if I were missing a scene. To put it mildly, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day is the worst edited film I’ve seen in several years. Over half the jokes do not have the proper set-up to induce comedy. It is thankfully brief at 81 minutes but I kept thinking, “Yes, the movie is short; but maybe it’s short because you removed all the moments that might have made the comedy work.” There’s a point after the driver’s test in which bro and sis gang up on Alexander as the source of their woes. Why?! This is our brief glimpse into the mind set of director Miguel Arteta — ah, so this is supposed to be just like when Kevin’s sibs gang up on him in Home Alone. Thing is, Alexander really didn’t do anything blame-worthy. Blame the writer; blame the editor, but leave the kid alone.
Home Alone, Liar, Liar and Sixteen Candles were all, of course, a much better films; standard rule is don’t invoke a better film unless it’s Casablanca or something on that level. That’s just common sense, fellas.
♪Where were the Milk Duds you needed the most?
And that status update you forgot to post
Blocking the screen is a human tree
That guy in your row — he needs to pee
And there’s plenty of other films you could see
You’re standing in line just for soggy corn
Your mind seems focused on bondage porn
You paid $20 a seat for this
80 whole minutes of uncut “bliss”
All so someone like me can dis
Cause you’re watching Bad Day
You’re having one, too
This film is a special as your latest poo
You say you don’t know
What else was on
You work at smile because you’re a pawn
You’re watching Bad Day♫
Rated PG, 81 Minutes
D: Miguel Arteta
W: Rob Lieber
Genre: Family doofery
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Parents who can’t imagine their child’s future will ever include an R-rated film.
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Comedians
♪ Parody inspired by “Bad Day”
