1) This is probably the best non-animated Hercules film ever made. 2) I still can’t recommend it. It’s very possible Hercules is a lousy subject for the movies — although in my imagination, a decent Ray Harryhausen-clone is possible. Hercules was meant to fight clay monsters, not CGI ones. I don’t know exactly why I feel this is true, but it is.
Title demigod Hercules (Dwayne Johnson) is presented as a mercenary. Not sure that’s the best route to go, but it gives Herc something to rise beyond. This Hercules is set in 4th Century B.C. I’m sorry, did I read that right? Hercules is historical?! Wait a minute. Hercules is myth. Hercules is legend. If Hercules existed, he did not exist during times in which history was recorded. That makes no sense. “Ah,” the producers say, “but what if it’s not the real Hercules, just somebody banking on the legend?”
That’s cheating.
Then, again, the Legend of Hercules from not long ago proposed to be real and was among the worst storytelling in recent history. Ok, I’ll give you slack, but not a lot. If you show me Hercules — I want to see an actual battle with a giant boar, not just an ESPN highlight clip.
And this Hercules has friends. Ian McShane, Rufus Sewell, Askel Hennie, Ingrid Bolsø Berdal (oh, now that I gots to do — what do you think about adding a null set to “Steel Frøg?”) & Reece Ritchie all bolster Herc’s bullpen. “Hi kids! Make sure to tune into ‘Herc and friends’ after school on the WB!” So basically, this is all cheating. Not the real Hercules, just Dread Pirate Hercules, and not solo show Hercules, Scooby Gang Hercules. Now, can you live with that? Does it matter?
No. It doesn’t really matter. The point of this movie is sword and sandal combat and there’s plenty of it, some of it quality. I like what 
Dwayne Johnson adds to role as unlike, say, Vin Diesel, Dwayne seems to contemplate the moral nature of his actions, like any good pro-wrestler should. And Brett Ratner seems intent on making a moral tale, what with MHercenary opting for the money … but only if the cause is just. I think. Well, MHerc has to learn that lesson. Oh, and he has a troubled past, which is great, because we probably won’t root for him otherwise. WTF?
I am thoroughly unimpressed with the direction this film takes. Act III completely contradicts what we learned in Acts I and II. Seems it was Brian Cox‘s day off, because the wavering friend/villain roles were held by John Hurt and Joseph Fiennes. But hey, you want to turn your brain off and watch a strongman battle? Enjoy, my friend. I’ll be at the Zach Braff next door.
Legendary strength on the spot
This demigod with crew that he brought
Built like a fridge
He can lift up a bridge
But in the end, Herc can’t support the plot
Rated PG-13, 98 Minutes
D: Brett Ratner
W: Ryan Condal and Evan Spiliotopoulos
Genre: Sweat ‘n’ sandals
Person most likely to enjoy this film: Herculigans
Person least likely to enjoy the film: Gods
