Can I phone in this review? They clearly phoned in this film. Oh I saw the stock footage of the BP Oil spill. And I see some sort of political shenanigans about New Orleans. What I didn’t see? A point. I have no idea why this film was made or what it was trying to say. I’m guessing you figured you could show something remotely topical, secure a has been (Nicolas Cage), throw in a hint of sex and magic would happen, huh? No. Doesn’t work that way – and don’t make me watch young women lust after Nic Cage again. It’s wrong on so many levels.
Colin Pryce (Cage) is a New Orleans congressman. He spends his spare time hanging out with fisherman burnt by BP Oil. The scenes are a joke. The establishing footage is all B-roll stuff and then Pryce shows up behaving exactly the way we see politicians act on camera, not behind the scenes. You see, he’s honest, this guy – he wants to fight for the fish and the fishermen and the fisheries and quake fissures and microfiches and … whatever. But, oops, he got caught with his pants down. Oh, is this another Primary Colors? Are we having another go at Bill Clinton? What’s that? No. Oh. He just resigns, does he? How … nice. And I swear Nicolas Cage isn’t even going through the motions. The motions are going through the motions for him. He knows this a crap script. WE know this is a crap script.
My personal fav moment in The Runner comes up when Colin’s dad Rayne Pryce (Peter Fonda) shows up. The film practically announces, “Check it out! We found an actor!” And I swear to you, no lie, suddenly threatened by someone who can command a screen, Nicolas Cage’s acting immediately improves. Until 
then, this was a Cage phone-in from frame one. I’d be very surprised if this film were shot out-of-sequence.
I wish I could rate The Runner lower; it certainly didn’t contain anything one hopes to see in a movie. However, it also didn’t say anything, and when you don’t have anything to say, you can’t really misstate anything, which makes The Runner more of a dull cat poster than failed Jackson Pollock as artistic declarations go.
This title baffled me. I mean absolutely baffled me. Colin Pryce doesn’t run for office in the film, so it can’t be that. He does jog a few times, which might suggest the title, but that action is completely irrelevant to the plot. I got it! (snaps fingers) Perhaps behind the scenes, he lies horizontally on tables parallel to the long edges – that would make equally as much sense as any other reason. Dull, forgettable, and a title that means jack – The Runner is not important enough to remember or ridicule. Putting it on a bottom-10 list would only do it a favor. I’m not going to.
I’m the head ease in The Big Easy
Phone it in, Nic. Phone it in.
I’m a good guy, but like some sleazy
Phone it in, Nic. Phone it in.
Not sure what this film’s about
Phone it in, Nic. Phone it in.
I don’t even get to shout
Phone it in, Nic. Phone it in.
But they gave me a check, so I’ll play nice
Phone it in, Nic. Phone it in.
Signed already; no need to ask twice
Phone it in, Nic. Phone it in.
Rated R, 90 Minutes
D: Austin Stark
W: Austin Stark
Genre: Half-assed editorial
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Film extras
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Louisiana, for once again reminding the world what a hole the gulf has become
