I will have mixed feelings the day we collectively decide Vince Vaughn is no longer of use. On the one hand, Vaughn is roughly my age and thus I figure that means I will have quietly crept into a realm of age irrelevance. On the other hand, I will no longer have to suffer through films like Unfinished Business, yet another in a long series of poorly considered and dissatisfying projects that exist merely to show the comedic range of somebody who isn’t terribly funny.
Here’s Unfinished Business in a nutshell: a crummy salesman has a hard time making sales. With “humor.” Of course, there wasn’t much humor, so every.single.time the script found itself wanting, some new measure of sex or nudity was introduced. The film set itself in Germany to make this more “realistic.” (Do the Germans know sex or what?!) Now, I don’t want to be critical here – if your screenplay blows, sure, take a trip to a clothing–discouraged sauna, have a needless discourse on the “wheelbarrow” position, heck, indulge in a glory hole menagerie. (If you do not know the term “glory hole,” please please please do not look it up. I’m begging you.) There are many worse things in life than adding random sex, but don’t think we didn’t notice the script sucked, ok?
Dan Trunkman (Vaughn) returns from a lousy business trip to quite the downer, a 5% pay cut. After locking horns with his boss, Chuck (Sienna Miller), he pulls a Jerry Maguire, quitting on the spot and asking who will join him. Hopping on board the train wreck to be is Tim (Tom Wilkinson), who dreams of nothing more than cheating on his wife and local idiot Mike Pancake (Dave Franco). Unfinished Business thought it hit the motherlode with the invention of the surname “pancake” and mined and mined and mined for comedic gold. Do let me know if that actually pays off in laughs somewhere, will you? It’s appalling how bad Dan is at his job, and insulting to people who do business IRL. Unfinished Business sees him as an unlucky warrior for good, but his lack of corporate acumen is kind of appalling. The movie hides Dan’s shortcomings by making his underlings imbecilic, which, I suppose, is one way of doing it.
Unfinished Business is one of these films that throws around trade terms like it invented them, when in reality it’s pretty clear nobody in the film knows the first thing about business transactions. For instance, Dan and the boys sell “swarf.” Know what swarf is? It’s the residue left after useful things are carved in metal. Sure, this is a reasonable product to sell. So, um, how do three guys working out of a Dunkin’ Donuts own any to sell? And if they’re just brokering a deal, why wouldn’t you just deal with a machinery direct and avoid the middle man? Three guys in a donut store is not a supermarket.
Mostly, this film is a sorry excuse to introduce the humor of the wheelbarrow sex position. Who knew that, too, was a comedic cornucopia of sorts. But my 
favorite part in this comedy was not a comic moment at all; it was that moment in every Vince Vaughn film where he decides to get his shit together. The vehicle for this self-revelation is the Berlin Marathon, which Dan illegally gets in on spur-of the-moment in a full business outfit. The admittedly out-of-shape lug coming off sleeping on a public park bench manages to complete the entire 26.2 mile journey without breaking a sweat, ruining the suit or his feet and he still has energy left to take on a German S.W.A.T. unit. Well, I’m inspired.
I’m harsher than I need be here. Unfinished Business wasn’t good and made no sense, but it was thankfully short and cared about its players, even if it wasn’t terribly kind to them. There are many, many worse comedies out there. All the same, I’d be thankful if I didn’t see Vince Vaughn for a while, ok?
Dan, Tim and Mike on a European kick
Pulling off a sale would be a neat trick
Nudity galore
Hey, want some more?
No, thanks. I’m done with this prick
Rated R, 91 Minutes
D: Ken Scott
W: Steve Conrad
Genre: People who suck at their job.
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Teenage boys
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Real life salesmen
