Woohoo, Stephen Chow! Time for some hyperbolic insanity, right? Right? OK, here’s the thing – somewhere in between Kung Fu Hustle and now, filmmaker Chow discovered the joy of CGI. OK, OK, we knew the fight scenes in Hustle were exaggerated. A dude can’t actually jump in the air and kick five black hats in the head before landing, BUT, it was clearly a series of stuntmen performing. I don’t know exactly what cinematic tricks are being used and I like it.
Now, Stephen Chow puts The Mermaid on a skateboard. Mermaid Shan (Lin Yun) is trying to pass as human, so she wears a skin-tight dress to hide her lack of bifurcation downstairs and stuffs her tailfin into a pair of trainers. Then
she hops of a skateboard and it looks … fake. There’s no other word for it. She’s clearly not manipulating the vehicle; even with her limited mobility, she makes next to no effort and when we see her fly in the air, there’s no, “oooooo. How is that done?” We know exactly how it’s done – her image has been computerized and then projected on still footage. And it’s sloppy. This is not good CGI. Chow’s people need some work.
Liu Xuan (Deng Chao) is a multi billion-yen developer looking to put a SeaWorld in the cove property he just overpaid for. The trick up his sleeve is his people have invented a sonar that destroys all nearby sealife by making them explode like the heads in Scanners. (I’d say, “like a hamster in a microwave,” but I’ve never actually witnessed such – because that shit is cruel, dog.) While the initial implementation has proved effective (buoyed, of course, by China’s apparent lack of an EPA), the local mermaid population has suffered – many of them now … wait for it … sleep with the fishes, HA! … and Shan takes it upon herself to fight the power. Luckily, she’s cute and Liu Xuan is attracted to the fact that she can’t be bought. He hangs around all day with dudes who ride personal jet packs. Everybody in his world is a gold-digger.
Among the merpeople is, geez, what do you call this guy? A “mermoctopus?” No idea. Anyway, The Mermaid generates a good
deal of humor from half-man/half-octopus protector (Show Luo), in one scene he’s actually forced to prepare his own tentacles for a power lunch – all to comic effect; would be horrible otherwise. The best fun in The Mermaid is had when Liu Xuan takes his issues to the local police sketch artist. I’m pretty sure the police deliberately chose not to understand the descriptions given.
At the end of the day, the weak CGI and fleeting humor all take a back seat to the classic different-world romance story. Problem here is neither lead is terribly interesting or likeable. I’m not exactly surprised. I mean, geez, I love the Chow ridiculous, but, let’s face it, the next fully realized Stephen Chow character will be his first. Here’s the conversation between the leads that I imagine out of our observation:
“I’m a mermaid.”
“I’m a businessman.”
“I’m a mermaid.”
“I’m a businessman.”
“I’m a mermaid.”
“I’m a businessman.”
If that does it for you, hey, go be part of that world. I’ll wait until Chow does Cinderella.
♪Look at this cove, isn’t it swell?
Playing in water while Earth goes to Hell?
Wouldn’t you think our species
Has got everything?
Now these asshats in skinsuits have planted
These devices which I abhor
Don’t you dare take your life for granted
It’s like one ongoing undersea claymore
Up where you stalk. Up where you pun
Up where you scheme all day in the sun
Unfeeling jerks
Wish you were gone, out of my world♫
Not Rated, 91 Minutes
D: Stephen Chow
W: Hing-Ka Chan, Stephen Chow, Chi Keung Fung, Miu-Kei Ho, Ivy Kong, Si-Cheun Lee, Zhengyu Lu (seven -7!- writing credits, and I couldn’t tell you a single unique attribute of either lead. Too many cooks, folks. Too many cooks.)
Genre: Stephen Chow’s aquarium
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Merfolk
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Moguls
♪ Parody inspired by “Part of Your World”
