Isn’t Kevin Hart supposed to be in this? You know, somebody to pace the shallow relationships with half a laugh or two? The title “The Perfect Match” suggests a relationship where two people can’t help but click … either that or a really good game of tennis. The movie “The Perfect Match” suggested a group of three guys in which the focal and only single one (Terrence Jenkins) is simply incapable of an adult relationship.
I suppose if you’re matching him with a girl who still gets wet over One Direction, maybe you have something. This movie knows Charlie (Jenkins) has the maturity level of a spoiled teen, and indulges us with his three relationship rules: 1) No heels in the house 2) No dating friend of a friend (that’s just common sense) and 3) … um … don’t feed her after midnight? Charlie is a successful agent and a studio photographer on the side – I really don’t get this. Are we going to care about Charlie less if he isn’t a 6-figure guy with a potential 6-figure hobby? To me, this diminishes him in my estimation because he’s savvy enough to make a business success while having the outward maturity level of a tomcat in heat. Such is emphasized by an older sister (Paula Patton) who is a therapist.
Charlie is bolstered by homies Rick (Donald Faison) and Victor (Robert Christopher Riley). This is where the movie wants to be, constantly in the locker room with these three discussing Charlie’s conquests, Victor’s hen-peckedness, and Rick’s sperm. Rick is trying for a baby while Victor is marrying a bridezilla. Out of deference to an audience of balanced gender, the two coupled men bet the notoriously single-serve Charlie that he can’t keep one woman until the wedding. This serves as a plot, but only in the loosest sense of that word – we’re never told when the wedding is nor does anybody care about the terms of the bet.
Now, wheras the guys get an ounce of character depth. Just an ounce, mind you – they get to discuss their respective relationships. The gals are neatly reduced to the wedding-shrew (Lauren London), project baby now! (Dascha Polanco) and the one whose breasts constantly have their own conga line (Cassie Ventura). Seriously, I don’t know who costumed
Cassie Ventura for this movie, but it was obviously somebody who spends a lot of time taking numbers at the deli – “yeah, that’s right, keep them fresh and on display at all times; we will serve you shortly.”
The Perfect Match desperately wants to be among the Think Like a Man series, but falls short because it lacks for depth – which should be a big clue as to how weak this film is. Charlie and Karen (Ventura) are the couple under development, but their relationship is 100% sexual, which is both fun and not. And then she disappears for act three due to a plot twist. To like this film, you really have to like Charlie, which doesn’t seem all that plausible – my guess is this is one of those films that producers thought they might have a winner (“he looks great; we’ve got some good sex here; the guys will envy his wealth and independence but realize it comes at a price …”), but that feeling can’t hold under scrutiny. And I’d be very surprised if any female left that theater satisfied. And, once again, Charlie is a single-serve date.
Personally, I’m disturbed by how closely the title here resembles The Perfect Guy, another artistic bomb with an all-black cast. Folks, did we learn nothing from 2015?
Jellyman, the playah and the baby-maker
All getting quaint over juice
Two men challenged if this roue’s a taker
Can he keep his morals unloose?
So the lothario meets a woman so fine
With chest always on display
And these two have fun by script design
At both home and away
Time for a wedding, who has a date?
It’s time for our couple to share
Instead, here have a story you’ll hate
Do try hard not to glare
Rated R, 96 Minutes
D: Bille Woodruff
W: Brandon Broussard, Gary Hardwick, Dana Verde
Genre: Nothing to say, but lots of color
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Twenty-something guys roped into going because their significant others mistakenly thought it was a date movie
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Fans of relationships, humor
