I’ve been jogging all wrong. For years, I have been waking up, putting on appropriate clothes and running – just running—through streets and parks and the like. Never once have I scaled a building or leap-frogged a moving van. It never occurred to me to mount elephantine obstacles, jump though stairwells or chance empty elevator shafts. And I certainly never thought to do it wearing whatever I already on. Maybe the key is 100% casual dress 24/7, for those always on the go.
Taylor Lautner is back and takes almost an hour to remove his shirt in Tracers. Geez, people, have you never seen a Taylor Lautner film? Team Jacob begins this movie as a breakneck bike messenger; oh, this film is going to be a blatant ripoff of Premium Rush, huh? Just before the opening credits, however, Cam (TL) lands on free-range parkour connoisseur Nikki (Marie Avgeropoulos), and then stammers approval for his target. It’s sort of a meet-cute for the language challenged. At first, we think she might be Team Edward, but then she buys a new bike for Cam to make up for the one lost when he landed on her. This strikes me a tad of Harry Whittington apologizing to Dick Cheney for being shot in the face, but hey, maybe Nikki is Team Jacob after all.
At this point, mobile Cam loses the wheels and takes up Spider-Manning all over Manhattan to impress Ms. Parkour. The things we do for a girl, huh fellas? Uh oh, there’s a plot. Cam lives in a garage and owes big to the Chinese mafia. He can’t really afford being a bike messenger, but then, he certainly can’t afford NOT to be a bike messenger, either. When thugs come to his residence, the landlady boots him out; Cam responds by apologizing with a wad of cash he can’t afford and a present for landlady’s son. Ok, I know we want Cam to be a good guy, but isn’t that spreading it just a little thick?
The homeless and unemployed former werewolf now has to figure out how to get the girl and pay off the Chinatown mob. Hey, get this, his new parkour friends are also world class thieves looking for another partner. Gosh, that’s convenient, huh (if not just a tad Point Break-ish)? Miller (Adam Rayner) is the boss of the operation. The only other guy we actually meet is Nikki’s brother Dylan (Rafi Gavron). I swear the other guys in the group are simply parkour dudes somebody picked up off the 
street. They don’t have lines or personalities; they just like jumping off stuff on camera. My fav moment here is when the parkour boys leap and tumble their way behind the protective bullet-proof glass at a bank and, needing to escape, use the back door out the vault. Yes, that’s the back door to a bank vault. Darn thoughtful to install that thing, huh?
Tracers what has to be the finest parkour crime film since District B13. Clearly, the sample set ain’t big. I always wonder with these guys – do you ever look where you’re going? Jumping off rooftops is actually kind of dangerous. I’d qualify that but I don’t need to. A key moment of parkour philosophical dialogue is, “[if you want to vault the car you have to] look where the car isn’t.” That’s the stupidest thing I’ve heard today, and the movie told me it twice.
Ok, so, this ain’t Casablanca. But it was fun on occasion. Tracers reminded me a great deal of Gleaming the Cube – the silly skateboard film Christian Slater made to cash in on his Heathers popularity. I’ll stick with that comparison – both Taylor and Christian became huge overnight and both eclipsed beyond an ability to deliver. Slater is a better actor, of course, but Lautner definitely has a Hollywood look. Slater faded when he found limited teen girl appeal; Lautner will, too [read: this is already happening], . But Christian Slater hung around, making unmemorable films and, eventually, TV shows with a shelf life of about eight episodes. If Taylor Lautner can figure out how to do anything on film we wish to see besides take off his shirt, he could have a similar career.
♪ There is a girl in New York City
Who behaves just like a human trampoline
And sometimes when I’m leaping, diving
Or falling off a building I say
“Hey, I’m going to marry parkour queen.”
She taught me how go about tracing
And I see losing face
Just means we’re in Act II
Everybody sees the plot not new
Everybody foresees the ending♫
Rated PG-13, 94 Minutes
D: Daniel Benmayor
W: Matt Johnson, T.J. Scott & Kevin Lund
Genre: NYC homeless fun!
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Parkour enthusiasts
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Law enforcement
♪ Parody inspired by “Graceland”
