Michael Moore started poorly. You’re actually gonna bash the U.S. military? In something that could only be described as both inflammatory and irresponsible interpretation of events, Michael Moore began his newest documentary Where to Invade Next by pointing out the United States hasn’t won a war outright since WWII. You know, Kimba, for a guy who wants to get some changes up in this house, you’re not exactly currying favor.
Let me ask this. Put aside your politics. Put aside your knowledge of Obama or Trump or the two-party system. Put aside words like “socialism” and “capitalism.” Put aside terms like “liberal” and “conservative.” At your very core, do you really believe universal health care is a bad thing? How about five (5) weeks paid vacation for a full time employee? How about paid maternity leave? How about free college for all students who have earned the right to be there? Do you really believe people should be put in jail for using drugs? Forget how these things get paid for or ruled on; put politics aside and just think about the question. Now re-don your political bias and ask yourself the same question I asked, “assuming we wanted to, how could we make the changes we might like to make?”
On the premise of “invading” Europe to cull Italy, France, Germany, Finland, Slovenia, Norway, Iceland and (admittedly non-European) Tunisia, Michael Moore went looking for the best ideas these countries had to offer that weren’t currently being employed in the United States and “claim them” for us. The premise is sloppy; he is literally all over the map, and nobody truly enjoyed having an ugly American plant Old Glory in his Euro-plot, but, as with any Moore, there is good stuff here in the questions he asks, the chuckles he shares and the discoveries he makes. Personally, my jaw dropped when I saw German children learning about Nazis, and German streets littered, for the purpose of education, with historical replicas of laws enforced during Hitler’s era. Can you imagine, right now, a drinking fountain in the Deep South being labeled “COLOREDS ONLY” or a state house with a placard announcing “NEGRO SLAVE AUCTION TODAY” for the sole purpose of reminding others that our history is not as rosy as we pretend? Texas can’t even admit slavery was a key part of our Civil War.
Moore investigates cafeterias in small town France where the school chef gets together with a dietician, the town mayor and a council every month to discuss menus for the kids. The predominantly minority children of this poor provincial Belle town are served four-course school lunch on china. Yes, real china. It is this towns’ responsibility to educate students on proper health, which includes food knowledge and preparation. Moore investigates prisons in Norway where even in the maximum security facilities, the inmates have keys to their own “cells,” which are really small apartments. The jailers have no weapons. Moore investigates working conditions in Italy with 2-hour go-home lunches, 36 hour work-weeks and seven (7) full weeks of paid vacations every year. (Totally jealous here)
It is an absolute crime that Michael Moore is such a polarizing figure because these are things we Americans should investigate. How are women’s rights better in a freaking Islamic country (Tunisia) than ours? Why isn’t college free? Why isn’t health care universal and free? Wouldn’t you rather have that than paranoia? I would. In a heartbeat.
In a way, Michael is just the flip side of the ultra-conservative coin – he uses the same tactics of cherry-picking data and giving an incomplete picture to tell his story without showing the opposing point-of-view. Of course, he’s not quite as bad as his polar opposites when it comes to political policy formed from
anecdotal evidence. Ex: “Abstinence worked for me, therefore our state won’t teach Sex Ed.” Or “I think the bible suggests discrimination is a good idea, so it’s my obligation to deny LGTB rights.” Or, my personal favorite, “it’s cold outside, so global warming is a hoax.” No, nobody quite extrapolates like our current congress, but ok, so prisons in Norway are kinda awesome … how were the prisons in Tunisia? And yay Germany for requiring actual workers on your board of directors – am I happy now that Volkswagen’s smog cheats represented bipartisan fraud? And Iceland – you boast the most advanced attitude in the world towards women’s rights – how exactly did that come into play when you triggered the economic collapse of the western hemisphere not-so-long ago?
There are countries in the world, no better than ours, where people live happier, healthier and longer. Are those not good things? These aren’t hive countries where the citizens have one collective Borg identity; these are real people with real lives – and they’re better than ours. If trading a giant wall to keep Mexicans out for universal health care is your idea of selling out, well, by all means, continue to live your shorter, sicker and gloomier life. Me? I’m always holding out for a better version of my United States, just like that guy who, for aesthetic reasons is long past the point of being his own subject, Michael Moore.
♪On the road again
Just can’t wait to visit Euro union
The life I love is making films to piss off Glenn [Beck]
And I can’t wait to shoot in a Norway pen
On the road again
Meeting with the Slovenia Prez
Admitting I didn’t know right then
If he’d be wearing fedora, crown or fez
On the road again
Like a one-man wrecking ball I aim for Finland
Look at education
Applying what they got is what I intend
(Good luck, my friend) ♫
Rated R, 120 Minutes — Rated R for five seconds of full-frontal naked middle-aged German couple at a spa. Just … unbelievable. There was racier nudity in Babies. I swear I’m going bucket list a personal goal to be the exact reason a movie rates R instead of PG.
D: Michael Moore
W: Michael Moore
Genre: Making friends and enemies
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Bernie Sanders
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: The RNC
♪ Parody inspired by “On the Road Again”
