You can practically smell the pitch meeting here: Nia Vardalos psyching herself up … bringing family members for support … trying desperately not to think about the fact that since sleeper brainchild My Big Fat Greek Wedding fourteen years ago, her career has amounted to exactly squat … nervously entering the meeting … trying to appear confident and not-at-all desperate … saying the magic words “My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2” and then attempting to play it cool but nervously remembering that now she has to write something nu. Uh oh.
Yes, yes, we love your Big Fat Greek life … sparingly. Once a generation? That sounds about right. And after seeing the parade of non-issues culminate before my eyes, it is clear here that controversy is in the eye of the beholder. One man’s “meh” is another man’s “GREAT ZEUS ON HIGH!”
I’m wondering why these movies do not explore the possible connection between big Greek families and college fraternities/sororities … or Percy Jackson. How about “My Big Fat Greek Meddling” written by Nia Vardalos and Rick Riordan.
I digress. Family alpha Toula (Vardalos) and Ian (John Corbett) have now progressed to middle age. Is it me or did they kinda look middle age fourteen years ago? Vardalos is instantly likeable. Perhaps part of it is she doesn’t look Hollywood – there’s something much more authentic and reachable about her. Their only child, Paris (Elena Kampouris), is applying to colleges and the ‘rents are deep into Premature Empty Nest Syndrome. It should be noted that there is no more relatable issue, nor will there be, on film in my life in all of 2016. So, ok, I’ll give this issue a pass – even though it seems a bit contrived. And if the PENS isn’t contrived, how about the part where, quite literally, twenty relatives show up for college night in the gym where Paris goes to high school? Yeah, we get it; Greek families are close. We already established that in the opening sequence where four consecutive houses
on the same block sport Greek flag garages and mix-n-match relatives.
Ah, forgot the “Wedding” part of MBFGW2. Grandpa Gus (Michael Constantine) has discovered nobody actually singed his original marriage certificate, so it seems he’s been living in sin for fifty years with Maria (Lainie Kazan, the [Jewish] Jo Anne Worley). This is a classic forked path of contrivance – in the real world, this isn’t an issue. Signed? Unsigned? After fifty years, what’s the dif? In the sitcom world, you can beta your bottom drachma that this is an excuse to rant. Maria gets to question Gus’ commitment anew; relatives get to play along; we get to know personal marriage things no one should know.
It’s fair to say I wasn’t wild about the plots, subplots and anything resembling motivation. But I cannot deny that Nia Vardalos has written an amiable film. Sure, break out the windex. Let’s have some good overacting, Andrea Martin. Make sure every.single.relative shows for every.single.non.event. I even enjoyed the Greek cover of Billy Idol’s “White Wedding.” This isn’t marvelous art or a great movie, but easy as pi, it will keep your elderly ethnic relatives amused for two hours.
♪Hey li’l αδελφή, got your windex?
Hey li’l αδελφή, guess who wants sex
Hey li’l αδελφή, and all your extra kin
Hey li’l αδελφή, premise wearin’ thin
Hey li’l αδελφή, OPA!
It’s a nice day to watch again
It’s a nice day for a Greek wedding
It’s a nice film to make again♫
Rated PG-13, 94 Minutes
D: Kirk Jones
W: Nia Vardalos
Genre: Remember me? I didn’t die
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Greco-Americans
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: I dunno … Roman-Americans?
♪ Parody inspired by “White Wedding”
