Imagine Kerri Strug as a retired, spoiled, selfish indolent living 100% on past fame and bad vibes and you’ll come close to the premise here. The Bronze completes an unrelated trilogy of early 2016 Olympic releases along with Race and Eddie the Eagle. And like those films, it’s all about the quest, although this one is told by a spiritually bankrupt has-been with no respect for the process. And I dare you not to get a devilish grin or two at the lack of reverence shown.
Former Olympic gymnast Hope Greggory (Melissa Rauch) is introduced masturbating to her medal winning performance … while wearing her bronze medal no less. All right, am I finshed? I’m done here, right? I’m sure you don’t need to hear any more to know if you’ll see this film. What’s that? “500 words?” Well, that’s just a guideline … a self-imposed one at that. It’s my blog; I get to decide when I’m done. And … I’m not done yet … This particular taped performance included completing the gymnastic all-around at the Olympic Games with a broken foot – hence, the Kerri Strug comparison.
Hope is, in a word, hopeless. Perhaps she didn’t win gold at the Olympics, but Hope strives daily to be the worst person she can be. Scornful, dismissive, immature, ungrateful, and angry are only a few of the words I choose to describe her. There are also preening, freeloading, hateful, lazy and abusive. Let me stop there; I usually have a problem when I hate the protagonist and there’s nothing to like about Hope, but, hey, she gets worse. Hope’s favorite pastimes are stealing birthday card money from mail bags in dad’s truck and claiming free stuff at the mall because she’s HOPE GREGGORY, small town legend! Dad (Gary Cole) is out of patience, but when he cuts off Hope’s $500 allowance, she goes ballistic.
After her former trainer commits suicide, Hope gets a deathbed letter instructing her to mold the woman’s new protégé (Haley Lu Richardson) into an Olympian to receive an inheritance of $500k. That’s essentially the 
plot – getting one awful “woman” to care enough to be a gymnastics coach. Now if you aren’t sold on that premise, try to remember this film doesn’t especially like gymnastics or gymnasts. This isn’t a “discipline and hard work wins the day” exploration of character so much as a “this is what you know, impart it” film. Hope doesn’t give a rat’s ass about the “sport;” she just knows how to win. Imagine the mentorship of Tonya Harding as your key to glory and you’re very close to the feel. There’s something almost refreshing in the cynicism. For me, Olympic gymnastics and figure skating, while requiring incredibly difficult skill sets, bring out the absolute worst in human competition – selling sex, requiring perfection, unhealthy life routines, performance art, often arbitrary measurements of success. This is a film geared towards those who think there’s something phony about the whole damn thing.
Now – what brings you to watch this film? Two scenes – one in which Melissa Rauch destroys Gary Cole’s coffee cup. This is a cathartic moment for anybody who has watched Office Space. 2) Olympic gymnastic sex. I don’t need to say any more than that.
Has-been Hope happily flips you the bird
She ain’t gonna work; she gives you her word
A challenge ahead
To mess with her head
She won’t win your heart, but she might just take third
Rated R, 100 Minutes
D: Bryan Buckley
W: Melissa Rauch, Winston Rauch (husband of Melissa)
Genre: Post-Olympic dreams
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Olympics haters
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Kerri Strug
