When do you give up and say, “aw, it’s a buddy movie; nobody’s gonna care?” Because Compadres stretched the genre to a breaking point, settling rogue Mexican detective Garza (Omar Chaparro … kinda what would happen if George Lopez took his half-assed comedic energy into half-assed body-building) with obese kinda-racist teenage slug Vic (Joey Morgan … kinda what would happen if Jonah Hill had no positive attributes), asking the two to combine “talents” to bring down a Mexican drug syndicate. Ride Along 3: Guadalajara Drift anyone?
Part of the problem I have with foreign films (well, with ALL films, really; it’s just more pronounced when you’re forced to read subtitles) is the inability to be shown something I can’t see on TV. I have long believed … and this is true even with the existence of “Game of Thrones” … that movies need to set themselves apart; you’re paying more so you deserve more. Hence, when a no-name cast presents a made-for-Lifetime script, I actually get offended … and I have every right to be offended.
So, Compadres, what are you going to show me that I can’t see on Lifetime channel? Guy on fire and dude who set him on fire very matter-of-fact about it. Huh, ok, that’s certainly not a Lifetime moment. And, what’s this? Our heroes, Garza y Vic need a hand print off a dead guy to access a bank account. Except the guy has been tortured to death first, and the electronic palm reader will not activate until the print is full … so the boys have to collect the pieces of hand to puzzle together a reasonable affirmative. If nothing else, I can quite honestly say I’ve never seen that before.
Garza loses his original partner before the opening credits. The hombre detective busts the scene prematurely and without backup exposing the younger partner as easy pickings for Santos (Erick Elias). Devastated by the loss of his [original] compadre, Garza goes home, has a beer and shower sex with his girlfriend, María (Aislinn Derbez). The bad direction yields at this moment to stupid screenplay as Santos takes 
María hostage (why?) and we get to sit slacked-jawed in astonishment watching Garza make four or five terrible moves in a row in his failure to get her back. Having screwed the Chihuahua at this point, he then has to skip the country, hunt down the money changer (Vic), and get the girl back without being hacked to pieces or incinerated by Santos’ goons.
It does actually alarm me how easy it seems to cross the border unmolested. Sometimes you can just run through while packing heat, huh? Sure, why not? Is this the “comedy” part? Compadres is listed as “comedy” which I accept in the same way that Lethal Weapon was a comedy – there are dark comic elements, I suppose, even a joke or two, but nothing that will actually make you laugh and a number of things that will make you cringe. Maybe this is a comedy in the classic sense in that all’s well that ends well. Will the punk American hacker and the fists-for-brains Mexican detective get the girl back? Depends what one means by “ends well,” I suppose.
There once was un policía del sur
Who collected a Gringo, to be sure
Their job, not a breeze
If entertainment’s a disease
I guarantee this guy’s got the cure
Rated R, 101 Minutes
D: Enrique Begne
W: Enrique Begne, Ted Perkins, Gabriel Ripstein
Genre: Mexican buddy pic
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Dunno. Well-meaning rogue Mexican cops, perhaps?
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Anybody who hates a buddy pic
