And here I thought Everybody Wants Some!! felt like a retread … this is the second straight film in which Ryan Reynolds is tortured to death. This is the second film in two years in which Ryan Reynolds shares a consciousness with another man inside the same body. This is the Nth straight film in which Ryan Reynolds dies. And this feels exactly like some ridiculous Luc Besson sci-fi police crime caper – all that’s missing is a car chase through the streets of Paris and Jean Reno is bound to show up and pronounce Luc’s recurring genius.
One thing modern film has to avoid is the omnipotent villain. It’s real tempting, cuz … omnipotence that has to be defeated, am I right? Problem is it makes no sense. See, agent Ryan Reynolds hid a defector scientist somewhere. When the would-be architect of man’s destruction –he’s engineered a weapon that breaks all United States’ defense missile codes– Xavier (Jordi Mollà), catches and kills Bill (Reynolds), that should sever all ties between the bad guy and the good guys. Head agent Quaker – “Quaker?” really? — Wells (Gary Oldman) then enacts a plan to put the memories from Bill’s dead brain into the head of prisoner-for-life Jericho Stewart (Kevin Costner). When the CIA starts putting memories from somebody dead into somebody alive … ? In the very least, Xavier really shouldn’t have any idea as to the nature of this plot. How could he? How could he possibly know what the CIA is up to and yet not know where his scientist has disappeared? The movie should have ended after 30 minutes with this bit of dialogue:
“Mutherf***er! As long as I got to my guy first, this plan was foolproof; how did you assholes find me?”
“Um, yeah. Remembered that guy you tortured to death?”
“Sure. He gave me nothing, so he gave you nothing, too. Right?”
“Funny story. As it turns out, we took memories from his dead brain and planted them in this psychotic’s head and he led us to your traitor.”
“WTF?!”
“Oh, yeah, that’s exactly what happened.”
“Geez, and I thought I was insane.”
Another very disposable facet of the Besson genre is amnesty for “good” guys wreaking havoc. Criminal introduced Jericho in chains. He’s a remorseless killin’ machine, incapable of empathy. Ok, I can handle that plot point. Hmmmm, you fill him with some warm fuzzy Ryan Reynolds feelings and suddenly he’s Mr. Rogers? Look, I don’t even care if you go there, so much as you also acknowledge that he killed two guards while escaping after the Reynolds injection – aw, did the fuzziness not kick in yet? This isn’t somebody who’s quite earned the right to be back in public, knowwhatI’mayin’?
In case you hadn’t noticed, this is an idiot plot thriller. Part of me does want to give it up for a film in which federal agents can barge into a scientist’s lab, immediately question/accuse “can you put the thoughts of this dead man into someone else’s brain?” and get the straightforward answer, “yes.” Of course he can. The mad science is sound. Why debate or ponder?
What this amounts to is that combination body switcheroo crime caper. I can’t believe there’s more than one of these things, much less a genre, but so much in life is wearing another person’s skin. Heck, that’s what actors do for a 
living. While the MacGuffin leads to standard chase stuff, there are some nice moments with Jericho and Bill’s widow Jill (“Bill & Jill,” cute). We just saw Gal Godot (Jill) as Wonder Woman. Hold up. Deadpool was married to Wonder Woman?! Does the Justice League know about this? How about The Avengers?
I appreciate Kevin Costner’s return from the used actor pile. I find him generally more tolerable than similar actors we’ve collectively abandoned, like Michael Douglas. Not sure how much longer he’ll be able to play an action hero, but if the script is just stupid enough, he could be your man. I’ve been a little cruel here. Criminal wasn’t terrible; it’s just one of those films that seems absurd when you reflect back. Parts were truly entertaining. Calling this high art, however, would be, dare I say? Criminal.
♪I’ve got you under my skin
I’ve got you deep in this head of mine
So deep in my brain I’m feeling feelings that just aren’t mine
I’ve got you in my noggin’
Your memories are wearing me thin
I said to myself I just might need some OxyContin
But why should I try to resist just to get shot again
I’ve got you in my noggin’♫
Rated R, 113 Minutes
D: Ariel Vromen
W: Douglas Cook, David Weisberg
Genre: Bessonality
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Mad scientists
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Law enforcement
♪ Parody inspired by “Under My Skin”
While I agree with your review, I think two stars is a bit generous. The entire basis of the plot was pretty stupid – some guy can remotely control the sole superpower’s submarine-based nuclear weapons, knows where the CIA agents are going and what they are planning, but can’t find his own co-conspirator? Add that to the fact that our criminal “hero” thinks it’s possible to retarget a surface-to-surface weapon so it can hit a moving aircraft? I guess maybe those idiotic plot points were made so the whole idea of imprinting a dead guy’s memories onto a psychopath doesn’t seem so stupid.