Boy, did this film lack balls. And I’m not just talking about that key moment where Travis (Benjamin Walker, the poor man’s Nathan Fillion) reveals to Gabby (Teresa Palmer, the poor woman’s Kristen Bell) that his dog has been neutered. Yes, this was a key plot point. After opening with a monologue about the decisions we make in life, The Choice made almost none over the next two hours, lazily offering two pretty people in love, I guess, and skirting over almost every moment of possible conflict in the process.
Travis is a Southern playboy, which means he grills steaks in his backyard while offering folksy nothings to select admirers. Med student Gabby is his new neighbor. Normally, Nicholas Sparks novels have an element of wealth disparity, but many of his standard plot points have been ignored in this adaptation. Like most attractive doctors under 30, Travis and Gabby are independent homeowners, each with five acres and a waterfront.
In addition to the wealth disparity, a Nicholas Sparks movie will generally have a love triangle that ends in ugly violence. This one ends in one (1) weak right cross that wouldn’t floor my daughter. This microcosm of struggle is what qualifies for conflict in The Choice. Gabby doesn’t even tell her ex- (Tom Welling) he’s an ex- on screen. Goodness, you might have to feel something. Also missing from the standard inspired Spark is a forbidding parent, or at least one solid element keeping romance at bay. I can’t help feeling that The Choice carefully examined all possible avenues where one person might choose to make a serious and desperate choice and removed every one of them in turn.
This is like the bumper bowling version of an actual adult romance.
What’s left? The lovers. Travis is accused of being a Don Juan early on; I guess we’ll have to take the film’s word for it. Gabby introduces herself by asking him to turn down the music and accusing his dog of knocking up hers. Their romantic foreplay is the stuff of pestilence — he makes with the cute and pithy and she responds, each and every time, with a line of either accusation or dismissal that would make me leave the conversation posthaste. But, secretly, we know that despite her words, temperament and body language, she wants him to pursue her.
At this point, I actually feel sorry for Southern people, romance-wise. The Nicholas Sparks guideline for romance seems alternatively Carolina blue sky high and Alamo basement low at the same time. Sparks fans, listen to me: Moody is not romantic. Some people are worth pursuing even if they don’t have huge fortunes or troubled pasts. Some people are worth pursuing even if they’re not model-level attractive. Some people even enjoy a sense of humor, too. And, boys and girls, in real life when you’re a dick to the gorgeous doctor next door, he or she does not pursue you, nor should you want him or her to do so. That’s lawsuit material.
Alas, I forgot, the point of this romance wasn’t the romance, but The Choice. After wasting an hour of my time getting two dull people 
together, The Choice examined the serious subject of euthanasia. Well, “examined” isn’t quite the right word. The film saw the issue from several blocks away and gave it a bit of drive by, almost having one of its characters take a stand in the process. Oh, eventually the film sure took a stand; it offered a pathetic cop-out in lieu of debate. If The Choice wasn’t in the bottom ten before such, the dénouement cemented a firm place among the worst films of 2016.
The Nicholas Sparks source material is only reason The Choice was brought to the big screen He’s written better. I say this confidently without ever having read a single Sparks novel. This is Lifetime network material, and, trust me on this point, if it were on TV, you’d flip right past it without an ounce of regret.
A romance you won’t rejoice
Masks an issue with feeble voice
I proclaim this scene
Among the worst of sixteen
Somebody here had to make a choice
Rated PG-13, 111 Minutes
D: Ross Katz
W: Bryan Sipe
Genre: Lacking that Sparks
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: The anti-euthanasia council or whatever
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: People with capacity for boredom
