The word “Dachshund” isn’t uttered in the film. Not once. “Perhaps they didn’t mention the type of dog at all in this film,” you might offer. No, not the case. The unfortunately phallic moniker “Wiener-Dog” was mentioned maybe ten times in the four mini-stories. Personally, I thought only Gary Larson was so obsessed by wiener-doggery, but not so –Todd Solondz has shown that Welcome to the Dollhouse (where Solondz nicknamed his main character ‘Wiener-Dog’), was no fluke – he loves the buggers, and even more, he loves to call them “Wiener–Dogs.”
Wiener-Dog is four tales about the same pooch being passed around like a basketball team trying to burn clock. The theme is set in the opening titles when the animal is dropped at a shelter. After that, the dog bcomes the property of:
- A wealthy-but-unhappy couple (Tracy Letts & Julie Delpy) and their recently recovered son (Keaton Nigel Cooke)
- Dawn Wiener (Greta Gerwig) – yes, that Dawn Wiener, although no additional reference to Dollhouse is made
- A has-been screenwriter turned crappy screenwriting professor (Danny DeVito – this is essentially the same role Hugh Grant just played upbeat in The Rewrite)
- A curmudgeonly spinster (Ellen Burstyn)
Check it out, four nothing stories with a dog. A Wiener-Dog. I’d tell you something about each story, but then, trust me, at that point there would be zero reason to watch the movie.
None of the adults in this film are happy. Well, whaddaya expect? It’s a Todd Solondz film. I wonder if in real life he’s really a cornucopia of positive energy and simply makes depressing films to compensate. Just mindless speculation. There are four 20-25 minutes stories here and every one is kinda pointless and depressing. The dog doesn’t care. It’s a dog. Now, here’s the exact amount of
time I wish to spend with the non-canine cast: {Ø} And that includes Greta Gerwig, whom I love. Lame.
I give Solondz credit for not splicing up the stories in a desperate attempt to confuse us or, perhaps, keeping our brains too occupied with storyline to notice the individual stories are weak. Of course, then we would have kept asking, “is that the same dog?” We’re probably asking this question anyway. The trademark black humor from Solondz is hard to find here. It’s not absent, mind you, just hard to find. Watching an old man repeatedly bark at his new pet, “HEEL MUTHERF***ER!” while out for a walk certainly qualifies, as does the camera slowly following a trail of doggie diarrhea the way one follows a trail of blood in a crime thriller.
If diarrhea does it for ya, well, gee, go enjoy Wiener-Dog, Dachshund, Deckel, Teckel, Sausage Dog, Schlonghund or whatever else you might care to call it. Personally, I’m holding out for Shih Tzu. At least then the diarrhea would make sense, no?
Well first there’s a kid named Remi
He sure could use a pet
When his parents foam about the mouth
We can take them to the vet
Then Dawn, the doc’s assistant, says
“I’ll take this one to go”
And travels over the Midwest
Wond’rin’ “is life friend or foe?”
Dave, the shitty screenwriter next
Has a doggie muse
Doesn’t matter what he pens
All roads lead to lose
Nana ends this quartet
The pooch represents her hope
Matters little anyway
A smile is beyond her scope
Rated R, 90 Minutes
D: Todd Solondz
W: Todd Solondz
Genre: The dog days of summer
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Dachshund fans, maybe?
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Composite film detractors
