Don’t ask questions. Just don’t. You’ll get none of them answered and you’ll be frustrated. You might even fly of into a rage, perhaps you’ll rant aloud and scream at random passers-by, maybe hit a mailbox on the way home, punch a neighbor, kick the dog, shoot a friend … all because Pete’s Dragon couldn’t hint at answering even the most basic questions like: what do Pete and the dragon eat? How do they stay alive during the winter? And how the Hell can a park ranger of fifteen years miss a flying, fire-breathing dragon the size of a house, huh? “He was invisible.” What? Were his tracks invisible, too? How about the small forest he clears every time he lands or exhales?
I’m getting ahead of myself. First, we have to kill off Pete’s parents. Being a Disney movie, they couldn’t kill the parents off quickly enough. Hey, quit complaining. You had a good run. You got in five minutes; that’s more than most Disney parents get. You even got in a full conversation with heads almost turned in the right direction … you have any idea how lucky you are?
When the family vehicle overturns at the base of the forest, five-year-old Pete is unharmed. Presumably, his parents are dead. Oops. Wouldn’t that be awkward? Not sure if anybody investigated where the child went. That’s just the first in a long series of unanswered questions. American forests are replete with dingoes, apparently. Young Pete is immediately befriended by a giant green dragon-shaped Scooby Doo. Scooby collects Pete and they live in a cave for several years. How? Well, your guess, sight unseen, is as good as mine. Really it is. Luckily, Pete kept his one childhood treasure, a picture book about a puppy entitled Elliot Gets Lost. This inspires Pete to call his new, bigger puppy, “Elliot.” In case you were worried this Pete’s Dragon wasn’t an E.T. ripoff, well, there it is.
Scooby, er, I mean, Elliot seems a good provider; like the kid in The Jungle Book, eleven-year-old Pete (Oakes Fegley) is amazingly healthy and clean for a child who spent his cootie years peeing in a cave. However, there’s only so much a dragon with the intelligence of a house cat can teach you, so Pete is curious when Ranger Grace (Bryce Dallas Howard) shows up. At this point, it’s fair to say this story actually devolves. Don’t ask questions.
Pete’s Dragon is a fantasy on levels you might never guess. Elliot is actually hunted in the film. Phaser-less Karl Urban spends most of his screen time waving a rifle
around like a flag. Multiple scenes display a riled, bus-sized dragon against rifle-toting rednecks. And yet, the only humans harmed in this film were Pete’s parents. My, that’s quite an imagination you have, movie.
At the end of the day, this tale is really about a boy and his [dog]. Can’t say I loved the kid and I know much less about Elliot than I know about Toothless from How to Train Your Dragon. But don’t let that stop your own children from enjoying Pete’s Dragon. They will very likely love the idea of a boy befriending the semi-realistic looking furry, friendly giant. Odds are their own minds will fill in the blanks in practicality and camaraderie; they also won’t be bothered by the start of the movie when Robert Redford practically dares children to go off into the woods alone in search of a dragon. As a parent and a fan of movies, however, I’d watch the original Dragon Training two dozen times before giving this one another chance.
♪Went in the woods to hunt some game
Schmendangered schpecies; it’s all the same
Forest child interrupted my day
“Save it, kid. You’re in my way.”
So there’s a foot print the size of Manila
What-the-heck, it’s Scooby Godzilla!
Stop, dragon!
Stop, dragon!
Stop, dragon, that I just found! ♫
Rated PG, 103 Minutes
D: David Lowery
W: David Lowery & Toby Halbrooks
Genre: E.T. ripoff
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Your big-eyed child … and only your big-eyed child
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Parents with questions
♪ Parody inspired by “Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around”
