I have a love/hate relationship with just about anybody who cut their teeth on “SNL.” This includes Bill Murray, because even though Murray is forty years removed from the beast, he is still doing that stupid lounge lizard act I didn’t like when I was nine. In Rock the Kasbah, he may as well be the lounge lizard.
Richie Lanz (Murray) is a sleazeball. As a talent agent, he once promoted stars and mock-stars; now, he lives from one “client” paycheck to the next, conning his way into a lawn chair outside his luxurious first floor motel room suite. As he shamelessly pushes the last remaining property with an ounce of talent, his secretary Ronnie (Zooey Deschanel), onto stage, a drunk man offers Ronnie a USO tour of Afghanistan. Richie takes the deal without consulting Ronnie, so we aren’t altogether surprised or unsympathetic when she thieves him blind and splits back for the states, leaving a skill-challenged has-been tool with the head of a potato sack and a haircut even Bernie Sanders wouldn’t touch, alone and passport-less in Kabul. Oh, and thanks to Ronnie’s arrangements with local American thug Bombay Brian (Bruce Willis), Richie is also in life-threatening debt.
All this might be of concern except for two things: 1) Richie is the kind of movie character who should get five minutes of comic relief and leave the screen. 2) He deserves it. Aside from a slightly nurturing relationship with his estranged daughter, this guy hasn’t earned more than being left for dead. So, how does Richie find his way back to the United States, and please tell me why we care? Ohhhhhhh, this is going to have something to do with his ear for musical talent, isn’t it? Hence, “Rock the Kasbah.” I get it. The movie points out, of course, there are no kasbahs in Afghanistan, but the producers just couldn’t bring themselves either to rename the film or get The Clash to sing, “Rock the Pashtu.”
I snorted twice during this movie – once during an outtake in the end credits and once when an Afghani singer raised on American rock ‘n’ roll chooses Cat Stevens for a performance piece – makes sense … gotta go with the guy who turned to Islam. I’m making this sound worse than it is; most of Rock the Kasbah wasn’t terrible, it just didn’t resonate. Sure, I’ll remember the moment Richie wakes from the bed of local madam Merci (Kate Husdon) wearing only a diaper, lipstick and a blonde wig. And while the moment, thankfully, degraded nobody but Bill Murray, I didn’t find it especially relevant or funny. There are a few attempts at humor here, including Murray doing the lounge act again, ugh. Mostly, Rock the Kasbah devolves into the kind of film in which a 
cloutless ugly American teaches the locals a lesson about acceptance and cultural progression; yeah, I’m sure that goes over really well with Afghanis.
I keep reminding myself that Barry Levinson is the guy who directed The Natural and Bugsy and Rain Man and half-a-dozen other films worth seeing. Now, he’s a guy who actually punctuates a scene with the punchline of: “Oh yeah, the Bay City Rollers.” Who, exactly, is that line supposed to appeal to? Even if you have knowledge enough to sweep the 1970s version of Trivial Pursuit (do people even play Trivial Pursuit any longer? Fair is fair – a dated commentary for a dated punchline), odds are you’re still not going to snicker or even raise an eyebrow. It’s possible your expression might alter slightly. Point is, Barry Levinson used to be maybe not a lottery pick director, but certainly a first rounder and probably top-half at that. That same man hasn’t made a good film this century, unless you count Bandits in 2001. OK, he hasn’t made a good film since the World Trade Center existed; that’s a while ago now. The problem with directors is they’re not like ball players – when they lose it, you can’t just force retirement and claim “old age,” but that’s exactly what needs to happen for the once revered Barry Levinson.
♪This clown showed up the other day
Knew as much about Islam as my Aunt Mae
There was a plane to catch and a set to play
What could he do when she went astray?
And he was whinin’ ‘fore he knew it, “I’ve been screwed”
He said, “I’ve been abused, Man
I gots to leave Kabul”
And the Cat’s in the soundtrack cuz Barry’s a fan
Boy this film blew, gonna give it a pan
When’s it gonna end, pal?
I don’t know when, but life will be better then
I swear life will improve then
This film has been on since yesterday
Couldn’t finish it then; tired of Murray
He kept doing his shtick, I said “not today
Think I’m gonna leave, if that’s ok”
No matter where my life turned for blah
I never made Rock the Kasbah
No, I never made Rock the Kasbah
And the Cat’s is the soundtrack cuz Barry’s a fan
Boy this film blew, gonna give it a pan
When’s it gonna end, pal?
I don’t know when, but life will be better then
I swear life will improve then♫
Rated R, 106 Minutes
D: Barry Levinson
W: Mitch Glazer
Genre: Condescending to the Third World
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Bill Murray
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: “I hate SNL”
♪ Parody inspired by “Cat’s in the Cradle”
