I look forward to meeting the person who loved middle school; I’m sure he or she exists somewhere. Personally, my middle school reunion was among of the most satisfying and cathartic engagements of my entire life. It was as if everyone present came to apologize for the person they once were … and by the time we all saw this in one another, there was no longer a need to. Middle school sucked because it is the nature of the age. No more explanation necessary. I’m fully convinced that future society will successfully identify the puberty overloaded, collect them, and lock them blissfully away in Matrix-like shells returnable upon level achievement. Everyone will be happier. Everyone.
Until the time that our hormone-obsessed overlords correct this situation, we have a rare film that tries to understand tweeners in Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life. It’s a film in which our troubled bad boy hero is a future art major and the villainous Principal enjoys presenting his 1984 vision of authority one-on-one with the kids. After all, what dictator doesn’t enjoy rapping with the peons he’s about to oppress?
It is an odd sensation realizing you’d probably enjoy or even feel warmth towards the cherubic-faced Principal Dwight (Andrew Daly) if he just weren’t such an Umbridge. Rafe (Griffin Gluck) gets an earful of the rules when he dares show up in gasp a shirt! And pants! You monster! No, it isn’t quite that bad, but –rule-wise- Principal Dwight does have some good-uns, like no color or stripes. Why doesn’t he make the kids just have uniforms? Not only does Rafe show up the first day in plaid, he also shows up with his imaginary friend – his brother Leo (Thomas Barbusca), who died from cancer two years ago. Believe me; you won’t shed a single tear in this film. Leo is strictly played for camaraderie.
Shortly thereafter, Principal Dwight commits the unforgiveable sin: confiscating Rafe’s doodlebook and destroying it in, literally, a bucket of acid – wait a sec; I’ve seen “Breaking Bad;” why doesn’t the acid eat the bucket? Rafe is clearly inspired by Lane Meyer in Better Off Dead decades earlier, supplementing a social life with an active cartoon fetish. So when you destroy his cartoons, well, THIS MEANS WAR! And by “WAR,” I mean relatively harmless, colorful, pointless-rule-breaking pranks. Whether or not you enjoy this film depends a great deal on how much you dig passive-aggressive buffoonery. Do you dig a room wallpapered in post-its? How about a sabotaged and rewritten test? I adored the trophy case prank, fwiw.
There’s a huge discrepancy between the lengths Rafe goes to for rebellion and the true amount of damage done. I mean he breaks into school after hours, breaks into the principal’s office, spends hours decorating several walls in a post-it – an easily traced theme, I might add, leaving a signature of sorts to boot, and all for what? One colorful and easily removed visual. Imagine Christo decorating the Oval Office in umbrellas to get back at the Prez and you’ll understand what I’m getting at. Rafe is a kid labeled as
troubled – he’s been kicked out of several schools already. He enters a new one and immediately starts G-rated hijinks. If you’re gonna commit some felonies anyway, ummm, you might want to aim higher.
At the end of the day, this is a film that bugs me. It’s light and fluffy and good guy wins, yay! But it doesn’t address any of its real issues: Why was Rafe kicked out of his last few schools? Why is Rafe so into the girl he’s barely met? How extensive are Rafe’s delusions? Why did Principal Dwight take zero (0) precautionary measures once pranks started happening? Why is the school board of Rafe’s side? Why isn’t Rafe seeing a counselor of sorts? And why exactly are the middle school years the worst?
♪You got your mother in a state
You’re gonna be ten minutes late
Hey kid, I see you might
TP a bush tonight
You’re like me, which makes me ill
We’re attacking what we can’t define
You love toons, you worked on them hard
You can’t wait ‘til this year has passed
They make you queue up all day long
Lesser rebel
You broke dress code
Lesser rebel
Called him a “chode”
Lesser rebel
Rewrote a test
Hope juvy
Is worth the stress♫
Rated PG, 92 Minutes
D: Steve Carr
W: Chris Bowman & Hubbel Palmer and Kara Holden
Genre: Principal Villain
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Middle schoolers, I imagine
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Authority figures
♪ Parody inspired by “Rebel Rebel”
