I often feel a movie is lying to me. Most times it’s ok; I just write about it and be done. You have your perspective; I have mine. And then there are movies which, quite frankly, feel like historical rewrites from the winner’s perspective. Imagine if fiction were written completely by those who have never known true adversity and you get the idea. I.T. has no roots in biography and yet I still feel uncomfortable being forced to side with put-upon multi-millionaire Mike Regan (Pierce Brosnan).
Mike has an idea; it’s not a bad idea, just extremely elitist – how about an app for renting private jets on demand? Makes sense, right? There are plenty of wealthy people out there who can’t actually afford their own planes and pilots, but still need to sweep Julia Roberts off to Paris at a moment’s notice. What’s an average zillionaire to do? Buy plane tickets and wait in TSA lines?! That’s insane. The Viagra has already worn off by the time you’re on the tarmac. C’mon, man! What do I look like? A day trader? A doctor? Screw them. I own stuff. I deserve better.
During his pitch, however, Mike’s video goes south and he’s forced to rely upon temp Ed Porter (James Frecheville) to get a video up and running. I’m sorry, but I’ve been in just about 1,000 business meetings in my lifetime — what kind of presentation are you making that your video feed requires the I.T. department? And what kind of corporation are you running in which everybody from CEO to parking valet relies on a temp?
“We were hacked last night, sir?”
“Really? By whom?”
“It was either the Russians or an elderly grandmother who didn’t know how to turn her machine off. The infiltrator left the following message: ‘Hello? Hello? Johnny, is that you? I can’t see anything. Hello?’ “
“How did she get past our firewall?”
“Firewall?”
After Ed endears himself , Mike invites Ed to rewire his home security. You’re not gonna get a background check first, Mike? Well, that’s a good idea; no wonder you own a building. And with five seconds of gawk time, Ed becomes obsessed with Mike’s teen daughter Kaitlyn (Stephanie Scott). It is unclear whether Ed planned to sabotage Mike’s home security before or after he “meets” Kaitlyn (one of many infuriating points in this film). What is clear it Mike has entrusted the safety and privacy of his family to a sociopath.
Is this what it’s come to? Do we really need to understand and sympathize with the perspective of a guy capable of launching Uber for planes?
James Frecheville has seen a few movies, that’s for sure. His personality disorder seems channeled directly from Christian Bale in American Psycho while his voyeuristic hedonism has roots in several films over the last decade or two. It doesn’t matter; Frecheville is about as
close to Christian Bale as Greenland to Hawaii. It gets better. Once Ed starts the retaliation, Mike insists he needs to “take care of the problem by himself.” Luckily, this film was never good enough to be screened in a full theater audience, because the din from the collective head slap at this moment would almost certainly have broken every window in a five block radius. If it were possible to take the film seriously before this point, it isn’t afterwards, so I won’t even pay it lip service.
The James Bond phenomena means Pierce Brosnan still has a career a leading man even though he’s probably better served in smaller roles as a heavy or a fixer. I.T. might signal the leading man route is officially now a mistake; it’s not just that the film doesn’t work – it’s getting harder to imagine Pierce Brosnan beating up a guy half his age or even preferring to beat up a guy half his age. Don’t you just want to whip out your checkbook and have somebody else do it? Even as Bond, he was far more comfortable in the expensive suit than going toe-to-toe with a thug in a steambath; that was decades ago. I.T. isn’t the worst film you’ll see this year; it has basic plot and conflict, no matter how far-fetched. And perhaps older viewers would enjoy the twist of the guy under 30 as the villain while the guy in his 60s is the hero. That said, there sure as Hell isn’t going to be an I.T.2: Judgment Day.
♪I.T. Man
I.T. Man
Does whatever a sleazeball can
Pix of you in your bed
In lieu of networking your homestead
Look out!
There snoops the I.T. Man
In the dull of night, he’s committing a crime
Recording your bath
Is his fav’rite pastime
I.T. Man
I.T. Man
Slimy neighborhood I.T. Man
Wealth and fame? Might have one
All I know is he’s not done
Look out!
Wired by I.T. Man♫
Not Rated, 95 Minutes
D: John Moore
W: Dan Kay & William Wisher Jr.
Genre: Oh, who can a poor billionaire turn to?
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Misunderstood 1%ers
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: I.T. people
♪ Parody inspired by “Spider-Man” Theme
