You really shouldn’t include the year. Yeah, I know you want an effective timeline, so an opening montage about how two youngsters go from just married in 1972 to family tree in 2015, then to Walter (Danny Glover) becoming a widower two months afterwards is all efficient and relevant storytelling. Yes, the credits haven’t finished and I’m already feeling for a character. Well done. Here’s my issue: 2016 is happening to me as well. Christmas is on a Sunday by my calendar, which means that when the family piles into a stuffed church for holiday mass “4 Days Before Christmas,” that means the place is packed on a Wednesday morning … for Christmas … four days away.
Ok, look, no harm, no foul. How about why is Christian (Romany Malco) running for congress in December? Does Birmingham have a different election calendar? Were the November elections fake? Don’t let me get my hopes up. Personally, I love the slogan written on his campaign signs: “A congressman who cares.” Excuse me, sir, I believe you’ve mis-punctuated this sign. It should read: “A congressman. Who cares?”
I’m also not pleased with the tired, tired cliché that the only two black men in the film between the ages of 18 and 30 are both athletes. Walter’s son Evan (Jessie T. Usher), is, of course, headed for the pros if he can kick his pain-killer habit.
Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, Almost Christmas is an honest attempt to give African American communities a more-or-less wholesome Christmas film. Walter has four children home for the holiday: Christian, Evan, and their sisters, dental technician Cheryl (Kimberly Elise), and law student Rachel (Gabrielle Union). All of these kids arrive with baggage (mostly metaphorical). Speaking of baggage, Aunt Mo’Nique shows up for comic relief.
This is one of those films in which there are about fifty “problems,” all of which are easily solvable as will happen in the last ten minutes of film. It’s kinda like “The Love Boat.” The best relationship in the film is between Rachel and Malachi (Omar Epps), the boy next door. Single mother Rachel doesn’t want to give Malachi the time of
day because of a prom slight from years ago. [deadpan]No, I can’t possibly guess where this storyline is going.[/deadpan]
That said, I found the material here amiable. No, I didn’t actually laugh out loud until the shotgun in Act III, but I was more-or-less concerned if rival sisters Rachel and Cheryl would mend fences, if Walter could make a decent sweet potato pie, if D.C. Young Fly was gonna make time with Mo’Nique and if [read: when] the fam was finally going to find mom’s hidden recipes. While I wasn’t the only one curious about storyline resolution, however, I’m not sure anybody under the age of 25 would have any patience for this material. The entire row in front of me was filled with teens, and they treated their seats like Grand Central Station throughout the film. Pretty sure they wouldn’t do this for Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.
Almost Christmas ain’t exactly It’s A Wonderful Life, Love Actually or even Soul Food if it comes to that, but if you’re sick of films celebrating White Christmas, well, I doubt this one will go down as a classic, but it might suffice as a place holder for a while. It sure beats the heck out of A Madea Christmas.
♪O come, all ye kin-folk
Boastful and reluctant
O come ye to grandpa’s house
In Birmingham
Come and humor him
He’s too old for this s***
O come let us frustrate him
O come emasculate him
O come aggrieviate him
Grandpa’s too old♫
Rated PG-13, 111 Minutes
D: David E. Talbert
W: David E. Talbert
Genre: Attempting a classic
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Patriarchs
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Children
♪ Parody inspired by “O, Come All Ye faithful”
