I wasn’t ready for the first Bad Santa. By title alone, I was prepared to encounter, I dunno, a negligent Santa, perhaps a preening or self-involved Santa. My mind was not quite able to accommodate a drunk, libidinous, antipathetic, criminal Santa. My childhood memories were not quite braced to acknowledge a St. Nick who enjoyed parking lot encounters to a repeated chorus of: “F*** me, Santa! F*** me, Santa!”
This time was different. In Bad Santa 2, when Santa, a.k.a. Willie (Billy Bob Thornton), objected to robbing a charity, I was ready for the punchline (“they don’t have any money”). When Santa got into a fight with another Santa, I waited patiently for our Santa to claim his rival was pedophilic. When Santa’s mom (Kathy Bates) frequently refers to our hero as “Shitstick,” I knew an explanation was coming. Of course, this franchise is still much like an evil clown – you can prepare all you want, but you’re still gonna wince a little when it’s in your face.
Willie was shot eight times at the end of Bad Santa. It would seem he got better, or well enough to hang himself. Willie’s life is not one a mother would wish for her child. Well, not most mothers, at least. Willie’s
suicide is interrupted by the now grown Thurman Merman (Brett Kelly, who –far as I can tell- hasn’t found work since Bad Santa thirteen years ago) carrying with him a phone message promising a major holiday score. Bad news: the score is introduced by Marcus (Tony Cox), the elf partner who crossed him 13 years ago. Worse news: the job is the brain child of Willie’s mother, Sunny (Bates). Willie greets her with a weak punch to the jaw. “Hi, mom!” I think we can infer that Willie’s mother did not wish this fate for her child, but given her general indifference to his state, it’s hard to tell.
So you get the players – the world’s worst drugstore Santa, his sour elf, his sleazy con artist mother, a grown baby and two women everybody wants to nail in the persons of Christina Hendricks and Jenny Zigrino. The plot is kind of irrelevant; this film is a yardstick for testing your personal comfort level. How do you like Santa swearing? Drinking? F***ing? Stealing? How do you like a Santa who makes everything in life a little bit worse instead of better? This film is about Santa showing repulsion and rejection of his mother’s tale of woe, Santa hitting on his AA sponsor, Santa having sex in, four? Five
different scenes? On the latter, go you. Nothing slowin’ this guy down.
As far as I’m concerned, Billy Bob Thornton’s entire career is Bad Santa, Sling Blade and that part as the Prez in Love Actually where he says, “nice pipes.” I don’t have much use for the rest of it. That said, Billy Bob’s Santa is cringe-worthy to the point of tears. There’s a matter-of-factness to his sloth, lothario, apathy and general villainy that borders on genius. The overgrown innocent man-child needs a place to stay. Willie don’t play that, but feels just enough for the kid to direct him to a shelter … a lousy shelter, an ugly shelter. We know this isn’t right. The kid knows this isn’t right. Even he knows it isn’t right. But that doesn’t stop him from saying, “you’ll be ok. Just avoid the guy masturbating over there … (sure enough, the camera finds a rather unforgivable public display) … and the guy watching him (camera pans slightly).” You’re either going to find that moment hilarious or repulsive … or in my case, both. I’ll lean towards the hilarious side; hence the 2.5. Many, many others, none of them unreasonable people, will view this differently. Proceed with caution.
♪You better not doubt
His suit is a sty
The crap that he’ll spout
Will make a man cry
Santa Slob is comin’ to town
He’s dissin’ your lisp
He’s mocking you twice
Gonna find out which bar will suffice
Santa Slob is comin’ to town
He’ll rob when you’re sleeping
He’ll make your mother ache
He doesn’t care who’s bad or good
If you mind, your heart will break
Oh, prepare for fallout
And enormous sigh
You’ll have to bailout
This immature guy
Santa Slob is comin’ to town
Santa Slob is comin’ to town
Santa Slob is comin’ to town♫
Rated R, 92 Minutes
D: Mark Waters
W: Johnny Rosenthal and Shauna Cross
Genre: The downside of Santa
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Grinches
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Christmas purists
♪ Parody inspired by “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town”
