Gee, we haven’t had a new Disney princess in almost a week-and-a-half now. It was long past due, huh? Unless I’m misremembering, there was neither Princess Lilo nor Princess Stitch, so Disney figured they would have another go at the Polynesian angle. These islands, of course, were a kingdom before white people got there and wrecked the place with “Hawaii Five-0” and “Magnum, P.I.” Enjoy Princess Moana, girls; she’s pretty darn active as princesses go.
The film hints early on that our heroine ain’t part of the crowd. As the village elder scares the kids with the tale of demigod Maui (voice of Dwayne Johnson), whose antics earned supernatural wrath, li’l Moana (voice of Auli’i Cravalho) listens intently while her peers cringe. She then tries to drown herself only to learn the sea ain’t havin’ none of it – it has chosen her to rectify Maui’s error – well, more of a faux pas, really, I mean how could he know that stealing the magic jewel from the heart of the island would destroy all life as we know it?
Moana’s wanderlust grows parallel with her age and by the time she’s old enough to be an action figure, she’s ready to blow this one-turtle papaya stand. Chief dad ain’t keen on it, but luckily grandma (Rachel House) hips Moana to the truth – she comes from a long line of drifters. These folks are nomads … why? Why would anyone leave paradise for something else? Here’s my impression of this particular Polynesian tribe three centuries prior to Moana:
“Hey, King Kamehamehamehamehali’iagoaurora’arielu’acalifragidosua’a?”
“Yes, peasant Suckstobeua?”
“What do you say we get on the boats and move somewhere?”
“Ummm, why? This place is awesome.”
“No reason.”
“Ok, sure. Let’s go.”
…three weeks later
“Hey, this place rocks, too. Score!”
Anyway, when the plague hits, it’s enough to get Moana off the rock in search of the long exiled Maui himself, a colorful chiseled idol comprised almost entirely of hair, tattoos and GNC Muscle Milk. You know what? He looks a little like if you took a balloon of Troy Polamalu and inflated it to bursting point. The film has a ton of fun with Maui’s tattoos most notably with an unanchored lively mini-me that acts as sort of a mood ring, a combination devil/angel either exaggerating Maui’s current ‘tude or chastising his selfish behavior depending on which message is appropriate at the time.
In my adult lifetime, Disney animation has been a hallmark for the songs that will thrive, uninvited, in your brain for the next year or two. I didn’t love
the soundtrack to Moana, but then I didn’t love the Frozen soundtrack, either, and that grew on me. One song I did love was a hilarious “Gaston”-like self-congratulatory Maui solo entitled “You’re Welcome,” performed by Dwayne Johnson himself. What struck me as so funny about this number was not only it’s boastful mock-selflessness, but the fact that you could, quite literally, insert this song seamlessly into every single Dwayne Johnson film in the last decade. Like lichens on The Rock himself, Dwayne Johnson has grown on me, but when it comes down to it, aren’t all of his roles about learning humility? And why not? Pffft. If I looked like Dwayne Johnson, humility wouldn’t come easy for me, either.
Moana is the kind of film you like to describe because there’s a great deal here to love. At a time when the animated film bar is very high, Moana is probably the best of 2016, and I am considering Kubo, Finding Dory and Zootopia when I say that. Moana herself is a pretty good “self-solving” Disney heroine, which makes for good role modeling even when parentally defiant. If you can tolerate animation, tolerate Moana.
♪Little Moana strolled to the beach
And found a new sensation
When King papa found out, he began to shout
Girl, what in tarnation!”
Don’t go to the sea
Listen, M, to me
Queen you’re gonna be
But not of the sea
Moana found years and left all her fears
In a cave no one would mention
Gotta find me a legend you see
And sailing is my intention
Well I’m on my way
Not sure where I’m going
I’m on my way by casting a line
Goodbye to daddy, chief of Molakai
It’s me and Maui-who? Out on the paddleboard
Yeah me and the demigod out on the paddleboard♫
Rated PG, 103 Minutes
D: Ron Clements, Don Hall, John Musker, Chris Williams … four (4!) directors, seriously?
W: Jared Bush
Genre: The legend of The Rock
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Disney believers
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Are there people who hate Hawaii? Them.
♪ Parody inspired by “Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard”
