In a quarter century of work-sponsored Christmas parties, I’ve never encountered a coke-spewing snow machine. In fact, I’ve never encountered a snow machine. What is up with that? Our own office parties tended to be tame, midday affairs. Classy, but tame. It is exactly the kind of celebration Office Christmas Party dumps on as Josh (Jason Bateman) finalizes his divorce at a law firm in the opening moments. Divorce for Christmas … isn’t that one of the requests in “Santa Baby?” – it would be in my version after she’s through with the plea for a platinum mine.
Today’s cinematic offering describes itself adequately in the title. As premise achievers go, it’s an A+. Josh works at the Chicago branch of Zenotek. Well … “works.” I don’t wish to isolate Josh, but I don’t honestly think anybody works in this branch; I couldn’t even tell you what the company does other than need clients. Apparently, they provide tech services of some kind – whatever that means. Siblings Carol (Jennifer Aniston) and Clay (T.J. Miller) improvise a good cop/bad cop routine at the board meeting. Carol runs all of Zenotek and plans to shut down her brother’s branch. Clay is that
lovable idiot millionaire we all dream of, the kind who will pour his heart and trust-fund money into the office he inherited. So far, the results have been … poor. Carol lays down the law, stating if Zenotek Chicago doesn’t land the big account from randomfinancialgiant by unreasonableamountoftime, then randomnegativebusinessconsequences.
So Josh and Clay and Josh’s would-be new squeeze, IT whiz Tracey (Olivia Munn) meet with potential client Walter (Courtney B. Vance). There’s only one way to bring Walter on board – a bitchin’ office party, exactly unlike the one Carol forbade. Woo!
Speaking of troubled American workers making terrible choices, do you suppose folks in coal-mining country deliberately voted for Trump to get on the “Naughty” list … hence earning coal in their stockings? That, to me, makes as much sense as any other reason why Americans tabbed Cap’n Orange for Prez. Tell me, when you see Clay the CEO, is this how you imagine a Trump presidency – a warm, fluffy, affable, malleable, shrewd, generous, business tycoon bent on saving American jobs, and even willing to open his own pocketbook to do so? That can’t be right, can it? Nobody really had that vision, cuz boy would that voter be in for a surprise. In any case, Clay and The Donald do have one thing in common – they’re lousy businessmen. Six bankruptcies, people. Six. Don’t even try arguing that’s good business; and that is exactly who he is.
The dilemma of Office Christmas Party is figuring out which is the bigger fantasy – the office throwing a non-PC Christmas bash or the office saving itself from shut down. Of course, the plot is always secondary in a film like this – Office Christmas Party is an escape … not just a normal escape, an escape for bored white-collar day0dreamers secretly wishing their own workplace were replete with booze, hookers and farm animals. It’s a way 
of introducing things 99% of people never see at Christmas parties. I’m sure this screenplay was written by folks bored at their own Christmas party and intent on summoning up alternate entertainment – you know what would make this party better? Live reindeer! And cocaine! And a Tarzan contest!
OCP will probably be a guilty pleasure for the escapist crowds of the future. It is unlikely to be a timeless classic or something you watch every year, but R-rated Christmas films are rare, and this one did come with several laugh-out-loud moments. For those of us into Kate McKinnon or Jillian Bell, both have good roles here. But that Bell ain’t gonna ring in my new year. Not this year, at least.
♪It’s beginning to look like office Christmas
Every cube you go
Take a look at the neighbor’s trough
There is red-nosed Rudolph
Ridden by three Minions in yellow
A pair of noiseless headphones and some funky ringtones
is the wish of IT guy Ken
No more winter and a 3D printer are the thoughts of manager Jen
And CEO cannot wait for work to start again
It’s beginning to look like office Christmas
Up and down the block
But the prettiest sight you’ll see
Is the exodus, with glee
When it’s five o’clock♫
Rated R, 105 Minutes
D: Josh Gordon, Will Speck
W: Justin Malen, Laura Solon, Dan Mazer
Genre: Fun other people have sometimes
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Escapists
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: HR folks
♪ Parody inspired by “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas”
