Gosh, I wish I knew more about Howard Hughes. If only there were some way to illustrate the life of this mysterious man on, I dunno, some sort of video record, like film. Yes, if only there were a way to capture the essence of this man on film. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?
Following this nation’s adage that billionaires are simply far more important than regular folks … and fully deserving of our understanding and votes (because, apparently, having much more money than us isn’t enough), Warren Beatty made yet another film about Howard Hughes. As of this writing, Howard Hughes has been portrayed on film by at least 21 different actors – to tell the truth, however,
I would have guessed the total as twice that; perhaps it only seems like Howard Hughes shows up on film as often as Santa Claus.
Howard Hughes (Beatty) owned over twenty houses to sequester starlets. Did you know that? He didn’t ask them to do much but sit there and be pretty. He didn’t want them driving. Also, he would fire their drivers for dating his starlets. And, this is a good one, he required that all drivers slow to a crawl at speedbumps and potholes to keep a starlet’s chest in tact. Few of the girls would ever make it past a screen test (some would never even get to the screen test); they simply picked up generous weekly checks lowered from his lordship’s Hollywood office by fishhook and go about their business of being pretty. Howard rarely touched them. It is either the best gig in the world or a complete waste of life depending on how you look at it.
Rules Don’t Apply is the story of one such starlet, Marla Mabrey (Lily Collins) and her driver, Frank (Alden Ehrenreich). Hughes himself is kept in reserve for Act I, much like the shark in Jaws. He controls all the action, but we never see him, and neither do the leads. This pisses off mama Mabrey (Annette Bening) something awful … but I’m not sure if that’s because Hughes is doing wrong by her daughter or because the last time she appeared in Warren Beatty picture, she had about 1,000 more lines.
Marla and Frank are Hughes employees by chance. Both are too naïve to see the eccentric mogul either doesn’t care or is simply too far gone to do right by his staff. When Hughes meets Marla, he hides in the corner of a deliberately darkened bungalow. He’s provided Marla with a TV dinner and a tray; what more could anyone ask? With Frank, he’s more intimate, dragging his driver to the docks at 3 a.m. to babysit the Spruce Goose over a hamburger. The hamburgers and place settings are there at the end of the dock when they arrive, with no other human in sight.
Hughes talks at people, not with them. I’m not sure if this is a facet of his wealth/importance or his eccentricity. It is, however, infectious. I got the impression midway through this film that nobody was actually talking to anybody else. They were simply spouting their own asides aloud for an unseen audience; if there happened to be correlation or conversation, it was almost by accident. Each character felt like he/she came with his own separate writer and pages of dialogue with no lines on them but their own. This should have detracted from my enjoyment of the movie, truth be told, however, I found it amusing. I wondered how long the players were going to continue orating into a general vacuum and completing actions entirely by their own instigation.
I’m not sure there’s an actual plot in the aptly titled Rules Don’t Apply; the film exists to point out more of Howard Hughes’ bizarre quasi-legal ways and the detrimental effect they had on the people around him. One day, he’s obsessed with banana nut ice cream; he buys every last gallon in the country and has it shipped to El Lay. Next
day, banana nut is out; he likes French Vanilla. Day after, he wants banana nut again. It’s funny if you’re observing, like we are. It’s maddening if you’re part of the storm. Do we see this as a useful reflection on Donald Trump? I don’t think so. For one thing, Hughes was much, much smarter than Trump and for another, billionaires, are, just like every other person, unique in their own way. Having money does yield certain inevitabilities of perception, but it’s impossible to assume all billionaires are X.
Personally, I enjoyed seeing Beatty as Hughes travelling constantly on business to Las Vegas, the city he built as Bugsy. It’s very unlikely most viewers will see the irony there, or feel sad at the number of (formerly) big names with very small roles: Bening, Matthew Broderick, Candice Bergen, Martin Sheen, Oliver Platt, Amy Madigan, Ed Harris, Alec Baldwin. Some of these folks are legitimately playing small, important roles, but some are simply too old to be Hollywood useful. Collins, Ehrenreich, enjoy it while you can.
♪Only Hughes can make your life seem trite
Only Hughes can make all day be night
Only Hughes and Hughes alone can refuse interviews
And fill my gut with bile for only Hughes
Only Hughes can ignore staff at hand
For it’s true, his wish equals demand
When Hughes orders me I understand my powers are so few
You’re the boss of all my actions, only Hughes♫
Rated PG-13, 126 Minutes
D: Warren Beatty
W: Warren Beatty
Genre: Genre? There are no rules here.
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: People who have worked for Howard Hughes
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: People who have worked for Howard Hughes
♪ Parody inspired by “Only You”
