Scholastic focus has changed, has it not? We used to be concerned about the kids – how do we make them into educated, chivalrous bundles of positive citizenry? The times we live in now seem to bring a message tantamount to: “screw the kids; they’re already doomed. Focus on yourself, huh?” Ahhhhh, refreshing.
And yet, much like Bad Santa before it, somewhere beneath the rotten exterior of titular “instructor” Elizabeth Halsey (Cameron Diaz), one might unearth or even coax a strangely positive message. And again like Bad Santa, that positive message will almost certainly be hurled behind a dumpster in favor of a divinely wicked lead performance.
Ms. Halsey is the kind of teacher that as a parent leaves me horror stricken, but as a student, I wish I had from time-to-time. Needing money for rent and boob enhancement (eyes on the prize, kids, eyes on the prize), she deftly maneuvers her major league level slacking into a teaching job. There, her students learn a new, heretofore unknown level of insignificance. If my teacher openly mocked us and showed movies every day, I think I’d be in Heaven.
Of course, she had me at, “Yeah, I’m not gonna go to that” in reference to a mandatory orientation meeting. I won’t say that every orientation in my life has been a complete waste of time … once, I learned where a campus bathroom was located.
It doesn’t take long for our Bad Teacher to rival a good teacher, Amy Squirrel (Lucy Punch), the kind of upbeat go-getter teacher that makes me cringe as both parent and student. And together, Elizabeth, Amy, another fellow rookie teacher Scott (Justin Timberlake) and the gym coach Russell (Jason Segel) form something of a love rhombus. Segel had my favorite line/exchange from all of 2011 film in arguing pro-Michael Jordan to a LeBron James-worshipping child:
“Call me when LeBron has six championships”
“That’s your only argument?”
“It’s the only argument I need!”
(Let the record show that while Bad Teacher was filmed in 2010, by 2016 LeBron owned three rings and 
had appeared in the NBA finals for six consecutive seasons with two different teams.)
I’m not sure Cameron Diaz has ever gotten her due. The reasons are obvious — Her sultry is too trashy. Her pensive is expensive. Her charmy is too smarmy. But we knew even back at The Mask twenty years ago that she wasn’t a run-of-the-mill knockout. This is important stuff – I see Blake Lively or Malin Akerman or Olivia Munn and my eyes sorta glaze over … “yeah, she’s pretty. So what?” Cameron Diaz has never been that actress – even in bad films. Bad Teacher may not break any new ground, open doors, or burst through glass ceilings, but it’s the kind of film that gets made because some people recognize that women can do comedy, too, and, btw, this particular woman is a gem with or without the awards.
♪You, morals of a toad
Must find a Dad oh so sugary
And so become employed
Because there ain’t no magic fairy
Teach your students well
Their school days will slowly go by
And feed off their own dreams
Maybe they’ll give you an alibi
Don’t you ever ask “what’s ‘y?’
Or square root of π?”
Doesn’t matter if they try
Just say, “hey, screw you.”♫
Rated R, 92 Minutes
D: Jake Kasdan
W: Gene Stupnitsky, Lee Eisenberg
Genre: Extraneous minds
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Teachers who wish to feel better about themselves
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Teachers who already feel better about themselves
♪ Parody inspired by “Teach Your Children”
