So … what if “American Idol” were animated with anthropomorphized mammals? And they took an entire season and whittled it to under two hours? And they got rid of all that pesky amateur stuff and only dealt with people who could sing? And to compensate for drama, they gave every performer the ability to commit at least one major unaddressed social faux pas?
I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a film less concerned with investigating social infractions – it’s like Sing is the ultimate coddling parent suddenly distracted and inattentive when its children run amok, crash the china, swing from chandeliers, throw sand, pull hair, cheat on 
taxes, whatever, while the movie just whistles innocently, looking away. The audience doesn’t even get the customary side wink. You don’t understand: I need the side wink! I need to know you understand this is wrong!
What the Hell am I talking about? Let me tell you:
- Buster Moon (voice of Matthew McConaughey) is the koala who runs a dilapidated (haven’t you always wanted to use that word?) theater. The running gag is he never has any money, but insists upon maintaining his role as theater owner/show producer. In the opening scenes, he stiffs the bank and his employees; to save the theater, he invents a singing contest and draws an audition overflow with prize money he doesn’t have. Of this, only the bank part is addressed; we never hear a single “boo” from the real people he owes or has promised money to. Even when the prize is revealed as fake, the outcry is diminished, then ignored.
- Mike (Seth MacFarlane) is a crooning rat. We meet him berating a guy for putting money in his “please donate” cup. A dozen strangers pass by unnoticed, but Mike pretty much robs the guy who actually does him a kindness because the contribution is only a penny. Again, Sing never comments.
- Johnny (Taron Egerton) is the gorilla with golden pipes. Not once, but twice does he fail to abet his thieving father because he’s more into singing than stealing. The movie almost attacks him for dereliction, but it turns out dad is more pissed that Johnny is a singer than the fact that Johnny could have kept him out of jail.
- Meena (Tori Kelly) is the bashful teen elephant. Her shyness costs her an audition, which sucks, yes, but then the film is perfectly ok with pushing Meena back on Buster and company. Is this what you want? Is this how you think auditions should work? “Look, can you just let me hang around until I get the part?” I HATE tough love, but when comes to 1) you had your chance and 2) you didn’t step up, I’m all for “you didn’t.” If Meena is so good, let her stage her own show.
- Ash (Scarlett Johansson) the rock ‘n’ roll porcupine. Actually, Ash never pissed me off. Congratulations, Ash; I’m glad somebody in the cast was an adult.
- Rosita (Reese Witherspoon) is a porcine mother of twenty-five li’l piglets. She’s lovely and overburdened, right? Shouldn’t she get the chance to be on stage? I’m totally with that, but when sitter can’t be secured, she sets up an elaborate Goldbergian automated system for feeding, escorting to school/work, and putting to bed everybody in the house, including the hubby. This in one moment is exactly what’s wrong with Sing – yes, the set-up is inventive and funny and yes, it allows Rosita to make rehearsals, but think about what you traded: in one scene, just one, you reduced all of motherhood, all the labor, attention and individualized T.L.C. into an extended assembly line. You got your laugh at the expense of selling out mom as a fraud. Well, geez, no wonder paid maternity leave still isn’t mandatory in this country.
Sing plays like the cocktail napkin version of Zootopia; it’s colorful and energetic, but about five drafts short of quality. Everybody is cute, so there are a generous amount of smiles here. In turn, you may not even notice the screenplay is a dog. I’m also bugged by the entire contest format – every singer is more-or-less a 
professional (sure, I didn’t know Taron Egerton, Seth MacFarlane or Reese Witherspoon could sing, but there are no obvious amateurs among the lot) and almost every song is a standard which means that the “contest” itself essentially comes down to listening to KZXZ 95.7 and voting on your favorite song from the past hour.
Don’t get me started on the popularity of this film; yeah, it’s cute and fluffy but festered with unexamined social violations. Sing is the equivalent of an diet comprised entirely of gummy bears – yes, they’re sugary and sweet and yummy and you may enjoy them individually, but if you keep eating that crap, eventually you’re gonna have problems. Big problems.
♪I made a movie don’t need to brag
And I think I hit all the bases
When you watch, don’t look for bad
I don’t have no time for erases
Don’t you double-check a thing
Don’t you write a second draft, mama
‘Cause the animation is all done
You should check it out♫
Rated PG, 108 Minutes
D: Christophe Lourdelet, Garth Jennings
W: Garth Jennings
Genre: Idol fans will enjoy anything
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Future auditions
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: People who see the value of rewrites
♪ Parody inspired by “Don’t You Worry ‘Bout a Thing”
